I decided that I would share this story that was revealed to me in the midst of the midnight hour, embedded in what we call a dream. I thought that it was so relevant to my current relationship status; therefore, I am including this in my blog space for your perspective.
There were these three guys, I’ll call my past, present and future. My decision to use the analogy of time will be revealed as you read. Moreover, there were the three guys…all waiting in my apartment to share their reasoning for wanting to include me in their lives and vice verse. There were some experiences shares between all three of these young men, but I wanted them to tell me why it was now that they wanted me to include them in my life…as a love that could possibility last forever…but as we all know…only time will shed the experiences of your future…
First up, my past. Past came in and my first question to him was “what is it that you desire from me?” His response, “I want your heart.” “Yet my heart was gifted to you once before and you decided not to cherish it, why is it that you want another opportunity?” His response, “we have a history, we’ve shared so many experiences that you have never experienced with anyone else before …why would you want to throw that away?” My response was clear and concise, “you speak about this past and this history that was once shared…clear to be tainted with sad memories and love pains…yet what is it that you see for our future?” His response, “in our past you’ve always seemed to want to lead our relationship, so there you have it…its all yours this time, you take the lead.” My response ended with, “I only led because I had to not because I wanted to and because you have no outlook on our future, I think that its time to move on to the next.” He looked shocked in my response, yet went back to take a seat in the living room of my apartment.
Second runner up, my present. Due to my current status of being labeled as single…my present has always been sheltered from those that had no intentions of caring, loving or being devoted to me. My experiences with dating in my present state have been both challenging and I am deciding to say…for the birds. This became very clear when my present decided to walk into my room to express his feelings of interest for my heart. My first question to him was, “what is it that you want from me?” His response, “I want your heart, your mind, and especially your body…girl you got it going on and I can’t help but notice and tell you how fine you are.” My response, “thank you for your visual insight on what you see when you look at me…yet, my next question to you is, what do you have to offer me?” His response, “I can show you a good time, make you feel good, keep you coming back for more and have your coochie curving to my stick because its just that good”. So I thought about it for a second…considered the notion of getting some then, because it had been so long…but decided against it. My present was fun and inviting…but it provided me no substance…it has become a routine for me, closed heart and open eyes limiting me to move forward beyond any doors to find a love that was true. Therefore, my decision became clear, I instructed him back to the living room as I decided that I wanted more than what he had to offer.
I needed a break in between sessions, so I decided to go into the kitchen to grab a quick snack. While in the kitchen, I listened to discover that I was hearing the sounds of moaning in my bathroom with the shower water running. I quickly place my snack on the counter and in a speedy pace; I open the door to find my present having sex with another woman. Passionately enjoying one another even after the brief discussion we just encountered in my room. I was angered, stressed and I felt mislead. My quick response was, “if I have to say this again, I will be jumping through this shower to kill someone, therefore, this is your only opportunity to remove yourself from my presence…get the fuck out my house and this needs to happen faster than a clock and click for 15 seconds”. “And the countdown starts now at 15….14…..13…..”in the middle of my counting the woman yelled, “you bitch I was enjoying myself”. I quickly jumped through those shower curtains and punched her in the face, threw a bottle of body wash as Present’s head and proceeded to tell them to get the fuck out of my house. As they were walking into my living room that leads to the door, another woman comes out of no where and expresses her interest in Present. This angered me further, and proceeds to kick Present and his groupie bitches out of my house. As I opened the front door, another woman looking for Present and I just couldn’t believe why it was me that was experiencing this drama and game playing with my present. I mean, Present was a fine, chocolate, muscular and tall man…I understood why so many women wanted him, but I refused to go through this drama any longer…so as they were dismissed from my presence…I was left with my past and my future both in the living room.
I stood in the forefront of my living room staring at the both of them, debating on which one to choose. My future was sitting calm on the couch, flipping through channels on the television, seemingly unaware of the chaos that my present has brought forth. I looked at my future and was wondering if I wanted to take a risk on something I knew nothing about. I know my experiences from my past and present but was that enough to keep me moving forward? Therefore, I began to switch back and forth, looking back at my past and then over to my future, back at my past and then over to my future. Finally I stood there staring at my past and the comment that came out was why the hell are you still here? He responded saying, “you’re going to just throw away all that was experienced for someone you don’t even know yet? I thought you were going to pick me?” My response was with a smile and I began to say, “my experience with you ended when I moved to my present, and now that I have experiences with my past and my present, I’ll rather take the risk with someone that is calm in the midst of adversities, patient when others are before him, wants my heart just like the rest of you, but was willing to wait for when it was ready to be given to him and last but not least, he is the leader of my future…and that’s all I’ve been asking for from my past and my present, yet neither of you were able to deliver. Therefore, my decision has been made and I’ll ask that you leave and stay in my past where you belong”.
My future was the last one standing in the room, with open arms wanting to embrace me with the sincere look of new love. He commented, “I needed you to experience your past and present in order to be prepared for me. I knew all along it was me that you would choose; I just needed you to see it for yourself”.
Now how do you wake up from a dream like that and not think about which decision you would make if you were really in that situation?
