Have you forgotten who I am?

I am a woman
Embodied in colored skin
My purpose has been determined by society’s symbolism
Of sex objects and play toys.
My body is bare and given to those undeserving
Seeking love given to me on purpose.
My focus is not on me as it should be.
My attempt to fulfill this void
Has dictated the outcome of my state of present.
Who has time to think of me?
When my own self is unable to perform such a task
My mind is broad and overly inhabited,
Tribulations and adversities encompasses it,
Trying to define ways of growing beyond it,
Maintaining strength and courage to move forward.
Yet I cry in the midst of my solitude,
Wanting to display my weaknesses and my need for comfort and security.
But time doesn’t wait for tears to shed
Instead, it awaits that one missed step,
Or that one uncrossed “T”.
One resemblance of flaw will reduce my perceived worth.
Even by those men of my own hue,
Choose to mentally and publically batter me.
The love for me has diminished
To the names of Bitch, Baby Mama and Bust-it-Baby
To abuse of my psyche and body
To the destruction of my gifted heart.
As I progress beyond his hierarchical status
Belittlement and forced submission is portrayed to me
Unwanting of my potency and astuteness
And accepting none of my inadequacies

He sees not who I really am

A mother, sister, daughter, niece, friend, wife or those of the like.
As if he did, he would hold me on a pedestal
Cherishing the delicate nature of even the bareness of my body
Did you know that I’ve come from a history of powerful women
Making things come into being with only two of my own hands
Feeding mouths with our bodies
And strengthening the mindset of our future.
The mechanism of power was never purposed to compete with the role of a man
But challenging him to become more than what is expected of him
He must open his eyes to visualize my purpose
Look inside himself to see who I really am.
Listen to the words of the ancestors of our culture
Envision if there was no more of me,
No legacy to be left for you to see
No history of my very existence
The mental perplexity of this thought
Leaves results to if there was no more of me,
There would be no more of you.
Appreciate me for what you have left of my heritage
Seek not to ridicule and torment my beauty
Just as I was made in the image of God,
You were made in the image of me.

Who are you and what do you want???

Have you ever questioned to yourself, why is it that the things that you want you either can’t have, is no good for you, or simply doesn’t want you back?
I was speaking to a good friend of mine a few days ago. She is dealing with a man that doesn’t want to be more than a friend to her, yet she wants more from him since they have been in a relationship before. She mentioned to me that she wanted to ask him, why he wanted to be her friend but not wanting a relationship? His response was obvious but the question still pondered her mind. True enough, the question she asked was a valid question, but in reality, did a response to that question really matter? What really mattered was, why or if she wanted to be his friend. Why does his reasons for being her friend matter? Is that going to be the deciding factor as to if she wants to be his friend in return? Why not question yourself as to why in the hell would you want to be friends with a guy that has hurt you without consideration of your feelings? Is it because of convenience? Maybe the sex was good. Could it be that he was what you were comfortable with? Whatever the reason may be, she needed to discover those reasons without outside influence and opinion.

Think about my situation, I was in love with a man that gave me sign after sign after sign, showing me who he was and what he wanted. But I was oblivious to his signals because I was so close into the situation that I was in denial; believing that change will come. Hahaha, ooooh was I fooled. Every woman has that one situation that they experience in their life, even though people tell you again and again that you can’t change someone, for some God forsaken reason we put ourselves in a position to attempt to change a man that has no desire to be changed on his own. Through that experience, I must say, I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSION!

I say all this to say, why do we try so hard to be with people that has no desire to be with us? They show us all the signs, they give us all the reasons to move on beyond them, but we focus our attention on what we can’t have because we view it as a challenge, or we are so in love, or we don’t want to be alone, or we are afraid of rejection so we chalk it up to being in denial.

Yet this is not just limited to women, it goes for men too. We like challenges and we like the feeling of accomplishment; thinking that if we get the “hard to get guy/girl” then he/she was worth it! Nothing is worth having if you don’t have to work for it, right? I’m still trying to figure out if that is an accurate statement or not. Because there are so many instances where we (men and women) try so hard to obtain a person of interest’s attention that we sometimes lose focus on who we are and what we like or dislike. Its like we transform/conform into what our person of interest likes so that we can win them over. And is that the type of relationship you want? Someone that you can’t be yourself with, someone you can’t show your true colors to? And with all the trying and persistence and time spent on trying to gain someone else’s attention, you find that they really don’t like you. So then, what does that hard work show for?

Now, this is not to say that every time you seek a person, that you will get rejected, I’m not saying that at all. All I’m saying is that we should start to focus on getting ourselves in the right place whereas, God will send the person you are intended to be companioned with in due time. So many people jump in and out of these relationships and marriages so quickly that I question their initial purposes of entering those relationships. And when you think about it, it goes back to working on YOU.

I was questioned by a friend of mine of my reasons behind wanting to be single for a period of time. I mentioned to him that I just recently removed myself from an unhealthy relationship and I wanted to take the time to rebuild myself. He questioned, why is your guard up so high? My response was, I am in a place in my life where working on me is all that I want to do. Bringing someone else in my life and in my heart will only cause distraction and make me lose focus on my initial goal. I have no problems with being friends and hanging out with individuals that are interested in me, yet, my interest is nothing more than, just that, a friendship without benefits…if you get my drift. My heart has no room for anyone else besides me, God, and my family. And in due time, my heart will become open again, but now is not that time. If you like me like you say you do, then you will wait but I am in no place to request your patience, as I am not certain that it will be you that I will be interested in when my heart becomes open again.

Although, that may seem cruel and hard or even mean to some people, but that was my honest thought process to the question that was asked of me. I have no reason to lie to people or lead them on to believe something that is not there. I’ve been down that road one too many times to allow myself to demonstrate that behavior to someone else. But again, it is my time to focus on me so that I will be prepared for what there is to come. Some people may say, well you might miss what God is trying to send your way because you are not letting anyone into your circle of life. And in some cases, I would normally believe that to be true. However, what God has for me, it is for me and He has not failed me yet so that is what I have to believe. God knows my heart, my desires, my wants and needs, and when its time, I will get what is rightfully mine to claim.

So many times, I hear women complain about how they want a man and sometimes, they go to extreme desperate measures to obtain just that, a man. Not considering other things that are a necessity for a relationship to be successful, all they request for is a man! LORD JESUS I NEED A MAN! And when they get it, they are confused because this man doesn’t know how to communicate, doesn’t treat women right, doesn’t have the mental capacity to have responsible priorities. And of course, I am not stating this to generalize all men that way, because there are so many great men out here in this world. But for women seeking to be in relationships just for the sake of being in a relationships, we need to learn to be patient and get ourselves together. WOMEN, we need to get ourselves together!

Another example, some women say I WANT A MAN, but often times try to play his part. Therefore, how can we successfully embrace a relationship with the opposite sex if we are continuously taking over each other’s role and responsibilities? We expect them to pay for our meals, our bills, our clothes and womanly maintenance…but we are quick to throw the whole “I’M INDEPENDENT” role in their face like its something to brag about while you are in a relationship. That very comment is an insult to a man’s dignity and ego…it is basically saying that “I don’t need you and at any point you mess up, I can move on past you”. And do we really want to give that impression to a man that we claim to like or even love? Now don’t get me wrong, if you are a single woman and you do everything on your own, then being independent is an accurate statement to your status. You pay your own bills, you have your own things and you are in a position where you are forced to take care of yourself. However, when a man comes along, our mind frames need to adjust to the idea of being INTERdependent upon one other. We need to learn how to trust that we both will play our roles to the best of our ability and rely on each other when there is a need and want. But I’ll even play the devils advocate on this thought, sometimes we are in relationships…and our partners don’t play their part, they don’t take care of things in the home, they aren’t reliable and so on and so forth, so we are forced to play his part and pick up where he is lacking. Now in a marriage, times do get hard and working things out needs to be an on-going process. But if you are in a relationship with someone, and they are already showing signs of not playing their role….YOU NEED TO RUN…AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Like that old saying goes, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Take a step back at yourself and at your relationship and identify if this is really what you want, is this really what you will be willing to tolerate down the line if these actions continue?

Sometimes we get so caught up in love that we forget LOGIC. We forget how to make rational decisions. We begin to lose ourselves trying to please someone else, when there should be some sort of balance between making yourself happy and making your partner happy. You CHOOSE who you bring into your life, into your circle, into your trust and into your emotional connection, BE WISE about whom you bring into those key components of your happiness. Understand what it means to love yourself and do so. Take yourself out from time to time, get your own stuff and do it with the understanding that you choose to make myself happy. You bring other individuals in your life to make you happier! You can’t love someone else if you don’t know how to love yourself. How can you expect so much for someone else, if you can’t do it yourself…and that goes to the point of expecting a man to have this much money, this type of car, this big of a house, this type of job, wear these type of clothes and the list goes on. How can you expect those things, when you as a woman, still live at home with mom, riding the public transportation, working a bogus job, shopping at Rainbow AND you don’t even know how to cook!

How many women these days actually knows how to cook? Not many, and I thought that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach…I guess that’s not a true statement anymore….or maybe it is, but because some of these women don’t know how to do that they are losing the race. Hahahahaha, ok let me take that back, just because you don’t know how to cook, does not mean that you won’t find love…I just had to throw that out there that I can cook which makes me toot my horn a lot louder….but then again…I don’t have a man so what does that tell you? Absolutely nothing. 

Anyway, back at the point I was making, we need to stop expecting so much from people that we aren’t able to give in return…and that goes for both men and women. Stop jumping in relationships with people to rebound from someone else, give yourself time to heal from your hurt, learn the lesson that was to be learned from being with that person and then progress to moving on. Stop being with people because you have a history…consider your history when deciphering if this person is good for you…but don’t let it be the deciding factor…weigh out all the pros and cons of sticking around in your current state of an unhealthy relationship. Stop settling down with people just because you know they won’t go anywhere just for you to do your dirt on the side. Everything that is done in the dark will come to light and its not easy facing the truth, especially when you have to look at it in the mirror everyday.

I understand that marriage is the new fortune 500 business these days. It seems like the new perspective is that in order to be economically stable, you have to get married or be in a relationship to assist with your finances and the type of lifestyle you want to live. But why not attempt to develop the type of lifestyle you want to live on your own or if you fall in love with someone that is able to assist you financially then so be it, but don’t let their financial well being be your reason for the connection. Why are we always looking to find someone with all the money to mooch off of? Doesn’t that say a lot about your drive and ability to reach accomplishments? It makes me think that you don’t have anything to offer because you are too lazy to accomplish things yourself, so you look to other people to dictate your success. But then again, I could be wrong...just my opinion. But all in all, I say all this to say…take the time to learn yourself, your likes and dislikes, your wants and needs, your desires and fantasies, what makes you happy, what you are willing or not willing to tolerate…and then dibble dabble into a relationship when the time is ready.

We need to understand who we are as individuals, identify what it is that we want out of life and in a mate and maybe then we will become more successful in our relationships with other people as our hearts will be open to allow another person to reside in it.

When Keeping it Real Goes Right

There comes a time in everyone’s life where you have to put your pride to the side and be the bigger person. Even in times where you are not the person that’s doing wrong, you have to take on the responsibility of maintaining the peace.

I have had to be the bigger person on so many occasions that I almost feel like I am due for being the little person. I am yearning so much to curse someone out for cutting me off in the middle of my sentences, or bust someone’s windows out for taking advantage of me, or simply tell someone how I really feel without considering their feelings or emotions. Its almost like I’m ready to release this crazy B!#$% that’s boiling inside me for taking so much from other people. Don’t you know that movie, what’s it called…..Me, Myself and Irene, yeah that’s what it is…I almost feel like Jim Carrey when that Hank character came out. I know its funny, but seriously.

I have always been the calm one, trying to maintain order and harmony in my family, in my workplace, with my friends and so on and so forth. Even in times of frustration, I either cry in solitary, write a blog post or journal entry, pray….or punch this punching bag that has really seen the best of me. But all in all, I still think about those moments were certain individuals have taken advantage of me, hurt my feelings, backstabbed me, lied to me, wasn’t there for me…and the list goes on. And the kicker is that once I initially forgive them, they persist to perform the same behaviors as before. Now, of course…I keep my distance from people that continue to do wrong towards me…but for some odd forsaken reason…more and more people of that same caliber keeps coming my way. And its unfortunate that the new people might get the short end of the stick when it comes to my alter-ego being released in moments of high pissness (my new word).

So that means I’m tired of being Ms. Nice Girl…always smiling…always making sure others are happy and in a good place. Let’s see if someone else will take on this role while I dibble dabble into my own little world of being the mean girl. I am very much aware of the consequences of having an attitude…I have seen it in other people all the time. People tend to not like you, people get attitudes back at you, sometimes you get in trouble depending on who the attitude is directed to…yeah yeah yeah…I know the drill. I’m going to even go as far as to mention…the whole perspective of “when keeping it real goes wrong”.

Now let’s reflect….just that pervious paragraph sounds like a retarded female that is lost in the allusion of believing that having an attitude has some type of positive result on changing the negative attitudes of others that are directed towards her. Sad to say though, many people feel that way though. In my case, yeah I do think about punching people in the face for saying stupid stuff to me, or belittling people that think they are so much above me just so that they may understand the level I’m on, or crushing a man’s ego because he didn’t want to be with me or took advantage of me. But all those emotions and feelings come into play based off of things not going my way.

I am learning more and more that I cannot control anyone’s actions but my own and being the bigger person is just in my “make up”. I can’t allow myself to belittle someone because they have said something that was unfitting to me. Instead, I smile and encourage them to focus on things that matter and I keep it moving. What good will is it to belittle someone that is obviously on a level at which they don’t want to be on; therefore they say things to you to make you feel bad. Why not encourage them to want more and focus on things of positivity so that we can have more people in the world that has some sense. What good would it do to punch someone in the face because they hurt my feelings? Even after you punch them, that punch will still not show the same amount of pain you might feel from the emotional hurt that they have done to you. So instead, chalk that shit up, learn from it, grow from it and once again…keep it moving…live a little more of your life and more people will hurt your feelings…can’t punch every person…you’ll go to jail for that. What good would it do to crush a man’s ego because he may have bruised your self-esteem due to taking advantage of you and emotionally leading you on? It may feel good to say all the penetrating things on your mind to make him feel bad and low…but making him feel bad and low will just add him to the group of other males that has no clue of how to handle relationships…I would rather let me know how my feelings were hurt and hope that one day he won’t do it to the next female that comes along. I want growth and development from these men out here…so what is the point in making things worst?

Either way, the thought of making someone else feel the same way they make I feel is always something that I think about from time to time. I think about those things because I know I can do the same damage to them in return. But only a person of strong mindedness, discipline and of calm manners has the ability to not allow someone else to control my mannerism. Even to the point of saying “Look you stupid @$$, if you keep FU&^ing with me I am going to FU up” and then smile…and walk away. As a matter of fact, I might just use that line…it’s a forewarning right? Man if I was really comfortable with cursing people out, it would then come so easy to say something like that to someone. But instead, I maintain my silence as I’m learning that silence can be so much more powerful that using words, being able to communicate effectively my needs and wants is considered keeping it real…and this is what constructively makes someone the bigger person when “Keeping it Real Goes Right”.

Why doesn't your heart do what your mind tells it?

Here we go again, walking down this yellow brick road...more like this concrete pavement on Chicago's southside with the view of a love scene...why must I continuously press play ---rewind---play---rewind over and over again on this same part of the "Notebook"...more specifically my notebook of memories with this man that I love so very much?...

When I saw him, I wanted to ball up my fist and punch him in the face for all the hurt that he has put me through. But in reality, all I could simply do was open my arms and embrace him with a hug.

I loved this man and it becomes a struggle with knowing how your heart feels towards someone but your mind wants you to do something different. I wanted so much for him to be back in my life but I knew that now was not the time for that type of discussion. We haven’t seen each other in weeks and I have tried to avoid him every chance I was given. I truthfully wanted to be in his presence but I forced myself to believe that if he was out of sight, he will be out of mind…causing me to move on. Obviously, that doesn’t seem to work. I would like to be his friend if nothing more, but I know that my emotions wouldn’t allow me to perform such a difficult task at the moment.

So while in each others company we discussed the vague updates of our lives, knowing that deep down we had more to express. I shielded myself from revealing all of what was felt by me, and he of course, as this is usual with him, caused himself to do the same. However, during our conversation, he leaned over and succeeded in landing a kiss upon my lips. I sooooo wanted to kiss him back, but my reflex caused me to softly slap him in the face with a response of “Quit it!” (yeah like that sounded so convincing). Continuing on with our conversation, trying to think of other things beyond wanting to kiss him…he tried again but this time my face turned away in the slight moment that he went for the gold.

I am trying to understand that even with me wanting to kiss him back; I repeatedly caused myself not to return the favor. I need to learn discipline with him, because kissing will only cause more confusion in this disconnected relationship that we are in. I am learning that if it is for us to be together again, we have to learn how to be friends, how to have fun together, how to communicate to each other, how to respect each other, and overall learn how to love each other again, the right way without precincts and closed hearts. I still love him, but he has to learn to love me the way I deserve to be loved. Even though I am still willing to give my heart to him again; he needs to understand that he has hurt me and he needs to show me that he will take care of my heart next time around...(makes me feel dumb at times for wanting him back) Is that stupid of me? Why does love make you do so many stupid and crazy things at times? Why can’t moving on be a smooth process?

Once our conversation was coming to an end, he walked me to my car and hugged me closely. I was wishing that he didn’t have to leave but he released me from his arm hold and attempted yet again to kiss me. It took ever negative emotion I had in me to not kiss him back, but I believe it was for the best. I can’t be controlled by his advances because that will land me right where we started off in the first place.

Focus girl focus!

That is what I keep telling myself…focus on what you want right now. And what I want is for us to understand each others needs and wants and be able to give of ourselves the unconditional love that God would want us to convey to one another. And if it happens to be, that it is not God’s Will for us to reunite as a couple again, I need to learn to really accept that and carry on with the cycle of my being while opening my heart to the one that God wants my heart to be to offered to.

But why doesn't your heart do what your mind tells it to do???

Turning Point to Limitless Growth

Growth, Success, Progression, Tenacity, Dedication, Determination and Motivation

These are all words that people use from time to time to build a solid foundation in preparation for life’s obstacles. It has been a long time coming since I have focused my attention on my game plan to reach an abundance of happiness…striving for success at my own pace. When you arrive at a certain point in your life where everything seems to be going in reverse, things are not operating in the fashion that you want them to go…and its unfortunate that we as individuals in society have to experience trials and tribulations, however, that’s just called being human. Now how you handle the trials that come your way will determine the outcome of your success.

I am saying this all to say that I have arrived at my breaking point. Ok…let me take that back…not my breakpoint, but my turning point would be more of an accurate word for it. This turning point in my life has placed me in a position to make life changing decisions. When I was a kid, I can remember thinking hmmmm…should I call Little John John or should I wait for him to call me….I don’t want to seem anxious. And looking back on that type of decision back then, they seem so unimportant now. However, the decisions that I make, now that I am a grown woman could make or break my whole lifestyle. Now with that stated, this turning point has caused me to reflect on my past decisions to understand why I am in the position I am in today. I question myself, why am I still single, why haven’t I found a permanent job, why am I feeling alone with no one to turn to, why do I question myself these same questions repeatedly within a 3-5 month span. And now that I think about it, it is because of the recent decisions that I have made, using the same techniques in hopes to getting a different result. Isn’t that called being insane?

“Insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” - Albert Einstein

So lets just say, according to Albert Einstein, I have been temporary insane for a little while. Lets break each point down.

1.Why am I still single?
I have recently come to realize that an ex boyfriend of mine has hurt my feelings to the point that I do not want to develop the feeling of love any time soon. I attempt to force my feelings of not liking him in my brain to assist me with my moving on process. While forcing these feelings, I adversely become bitter towards him, demonstrating my actions towards him in a spiteful and mean manner. Truth be told, I am not a mean person at all, but the unfortunate part about love is that it can make you do things you would not normally do. Therefore, I have not allowed myself to forgive him because he is still not acting in the manner of which I want him to act. We call that CONTROLLING. I have gotten a slight reality check from one of my aunties, and she stated that,

“You are trying to control him by being angered by his actions of not performing in the manner you want him to perform in. He is not a puppet that you can toy with, he is a man and once you get that in your head, you may find yourself learning to love him again even if being together again is not an option.”

Those words that she stated to me was so profound and insightful that a light bulb finally went on, and I realize what I was doing wrong. She was absolutely right, I was trying to control a man that would not allow himself to be controlled…and his actions and words showed that but I just was not trying to hear it. Moreover, that was my problem, I continued to use the same methods…expecting him to act differently and that was not going to happen. So now back at square one, now that I realize my behaviors, whatsoever shall I do next? STOP….THINK ABOUT IT.

First of all, I need to remove the dead weight of insolent and juvenile young men that I have included in my life to take up rebounding space. If their purpose is not for the betterment of my being, then I need to relax, reflect, and release. I need to stop worrying about who is next on my agenda to occupy time, instead I need to spend some time with myself to verify my needs and wants and pray that me and God are on the same page. I need to stop playing the “super woman” role all the time and let a man be a man. If I’m playing his part, what purpose does he have? I need to open my heart again to allow someone to see who I really am without shielding myself away. And overall I need to trust people until they prove another wise. That sounds so easily done, but as we all know, things like moving on, letting your guard down, opening up to someone new…etc…but the first step needs to be taken, and acknowledge is the first….now let me progress….next step….FORGIVENESS…

2.Why haven’t I found a permanent job?
Now this is a question that the majority of America is asking themselves. I have the skills, I have the degree, I have the charisma and personality…whats the problem? Why don’t I have a job?! Well…disappointingly the economy is not in a high demand of hiring new people…instead people are getting laid off. Money is not as easy to come back as it once was, therefore, people are out here jobless. Now in my situation, I have made a decision to resign for a position that I was obviously not in alignment with. I hated going to work everyday, I couldn’t stand working with some of the people and to top it off, they weren’t paying me enough to work the long hours with micromanaging, ill-mannered and dysfunctional senior management. Hence my resignation from the company. It was not only I that felt that way, as their retention rates for employees revealed that this company was obviously lacking key components for keeping their employees happy and motivated. So in this case, of course it is going to take time for me to find something permanent…and I am learning that it will be ok, God has blessed me with means to get by and he will make a way, so that is all that I can rely on right now.

3.Why am I feeling alone with no one to turn to?
What a funny question to ask myself. I have been so far removed from the relationship that I have once had with God. When no one else is around, God has always been my way maker, provider, comforter, protector and all that I have ever needed. I need to build my prayer life up and participate in church more actively so that I can rebuilt the connection I have once had with God. Simply put.

Now let me go back….you’re probably wondering, why in the heck is she answering her own questions? And if you must know…its called REFLECTING. I understand where I am and why I am where I am in my life…and now I have finally took the time to dissect some of the aspects to produce a positive result. Now is my time to make some moves while staying positive and hope that this positivity can rub off on someone else.

This is not to say that my next post won’t be a venting pot for my readers, because I am only human…but I am attempting to start on the right foot. So I’ll say, stay blessed, be happy and keep reading…lets see how this unfolds.

Prioritization of Mental Complexity

I need to become organized with my thoughts so that I may focus on the things that are a priority, rather than procrastinating on the resolution to these mundane situations....

You know when you reach a point in your life, where if you worry about the problems that are going on, you will find yourself stressed, depressed and downright upset about what cards you were dealt. Unfortunately, with all that going on in your life, somehow, those problems need a resolution to them. You can put them off but they still exist.

I have found myself running away from my problems instead of facing them head on. Why? Because I don't have the solution yet and don't have the energy to find one. Funny thing is that, I have always been the type to fix my problems as they arise so that I wouldn't have the lump sum later. However, over the course of my new transition back to Chicago, I have noticed that I can't sit down for a good 30 minutes without running out to find something to do with my time. I have been finding things to do to avoid pondering about the things that really matter.

I thought that at some point I would embrace this change and its consequences and benefits, yet, for some reason I have replaced my role of responsibility with dating retarded and immature young men, entertaining myself with outings that I can barely afford, driving around to places to seek other interest and basically doing everything else but taking care of my business. I recognize that this is a problem, but I don't want to handle it right now. When putting all my problems out on the table...I know that it will bring forth a reality check so great that I wouldn't know how to handle it at this moment.

I have to come to accept that I am not where I want to be in life when it comes to a career; I have to learn to embrace my single life yet come to the realization that I have been hurt by men that I have allowed access to a sacred place in my mind, heart and body...which causes me to limit myself and build a guard up where no other man can penetrate their ideals of being with me; I have to recognize that my living arrangements are a means to and end and not avoid coming home to rest because I don't want to be there; I have to respect the fact that my friends and close family members are moving along in their lives and experiencing things I have yet to experience, but know that they are not leaving me just taking another step in their lives such as being in relationship, marriages, having kids, etc.; I have to take my finances seriously and pay off things that I have accrued overtime to avoid long term penalties; and the list goes on...

...And with all that said, I still have more that needs to be released, but I shall limit my exposure of all that is suppressing my mind.

Often times, I want to talk to someone that will allow themselves to LISTEN to the things I have to say and only provide feedback when its requested. Yet, so many people, I have found, do not know how to listen let alone want to listen. They are normally the ones that will offer their ears, but reverse the situation to their needs and I begin to provide them with the psychological assistance they are use to obtaining from me. Very frustrating I find this to be. In addition, the majority of my friends and family members are in relationships and or dealing with their family needs that they don't have time to listen to my situations. Sucking things up and moving on is usually the motto I possess in areas of my life. I am use to individuals not caring about what goes on in my life so much because I have allowed myself to be their venting place. Whether friends or family are young or old...it is rare that I can sit and express my thoughts in the manner that is most comfortable to me...blunt, honest, and without limits...in the hopes that I will not be judged, belittled, misunderstood, or avoided. I guess thats one resolution that I have found.

Now that goes without saying, there are some individuals that, of course, care about me and want to see me in my best light. However, I don't like to become a burden to others by pouring all my negativity into their lives...I find that I am not as much of a selfish person as I should be...I suppose.

In regards to relationships, friendships, sexships, whatever...I discovered that I am beyond tired of the dating scene. Even though I deny the fact of my wanting a relationship, I truly want to be in a relationship with someone that will love me unconditionally and demonstrate their love in their actions and their words. Yet my experiences in these ships are the following: For those of whom have wanted to be in relationships with me for years I have come to grips with the fact that I do not want them for the reasons that I know. For the guys that are popping from the past, I need to keep them discarded as my feelings are null and void and the only reason I am allowing them time in my life is to provide me with an escape from my reality...discussing things that are stupid and unimportant. For my first love, I need to move on from him and accept the fact that he is not the one for me, never was and never will be. I should acknowledge the things he has done to me by looking at the big picture and stop making excuses for his actions. For the guys that I have used to provide me with sexual favors, well...its a given that even though no strong feelings were exchanged, that there was a connection made that will always stay in my soul...I need to stop seeking a sexual release to ideally receive a temporary mental release, because unconsciously it is hurting me spiritually and emotionally because I know that I want more. For the guys that I call my friends, I can appreciate their time and efforts put into spending time with me and spending their money on entertaining me in their presence....but all in all we know that someone is going to want more eventually...and if they are in the friends category...its not me.
All in all, I hope that I don't cause emotional, physical, or verbal harm to another individual due to my frustration and mental disorganization. I am just trying to find my peaceful place that seems to be so far away from me at this moment...So maybe I need to take a step back and go into my hiding spot again...just so that I can place myself in the right mind frame in which I am accustomed to being in. Confusion is not my forte and needs not to be the vocal point in my existence right now.

Restoration of Heartbreak

No one but a person you love has the ability to penetrate your heart without piercing your skin
How could such an emotion of great anticipation result in heartbreak
If this is what love is, I truly don’t want to feel this ever again
I am trying to build and reconstruct myself to a point where I can look at myself and see who I really am
Yet my understanding of why he would not want me befuddles me

Having great knowledge of yourself contributes much to the foundation of mental stability
Especially in a time where your mind is making decisions based on emotions and feelings
I am internally hurt by the position I have allowed myself to be in
Wishing that I would wake up in the morning and this situation would all be over
Or waking up to him laying next to me, holding me in his arms as to never wanting to let go

Thoughts are perplexed and emotions run wild while I try to figure out my next move
Prayer goes a long way when your focus is on whom you’re praying to
But some odd reason I can’t seem to shake this bit of hope
I have this small sense of optimism that he will show up at my door
Even just as a friend to say, I am here and take me into his arms to embrace me

Its unfortunate that holding on to something you thought was genuine
Turns out to be the very opposite nature of the original thought
But I’m beginning to learn something new about myself
I am learning that I can love and have feelings
I am learning that overtime, the headaches will go away
The last nights of no sleep will become restful
The lack of appetite will increase again
And the restoration of your heart will begin
But until then,
These tears will continue to shed
And the shortness of air circulating in my lungs will continue to suppress my breathing
The seclusion of my being will stay in the presence of myself
Until my moment comes where there is no longer love
Until there is no longer passion
…and Until there is no longer a yearning for his existence in my life

When that day comes, in which it will soon be
I pray that his heart is whole as I will be no longer willing to give him mine
Because my heart has been restored and meant to be gifted to someone else.

He is Love

To many times before, have I walked down this road
Looking for something that wants to be hidden
I’m searching for a component that is missing
Love is what I sought after
But lust and heartbreak was what was found
I have leaned into my own understanding
Wishing for more than a late night orgasm
Craving for more than a short insubstantial conversation
Yearning for the stay into morning
I have lost my mind in the journey to finding love
Losing my mind to men that seek nothing more but to internally destroy me
Tearing away the uniqueness of my beauty
Beauty in the underlining meaning of He who is within me
I have become settled
As I have settled for less than what was deserved
Attempting to satisfy a craving for unconditional adoration
Convenience is what I proclaimed it to be
Masking the true nature of what I wanted it to be
Yet in still, pieces of me were being given away at no price
Even though the worth of me was priceless
I wanted more and more was what I needed
I needed something to gratify my want for intimacy
As often times the thoughts of sexual fantasies began to explore in my imagination
While the vibration of toys began the stimulation
Orgasmic release occur multiple times yet satisfaction was non-existent
I was still missing something
Keeping busy was what the wise woman said to me
Claiming that to be the answer to my exploration of love
Yet when the demanding events being to decelerate
My mind begins to unconsciously explore again
Thinking of all the aspects of what makes love love.
And verifying if love was something I had in me to give
I have been penetrated by hurt
I was angered by all the lost lusts that has came across my existence
Not understanding why it was me that they decided to do harm
I thought I was in love
I risked it all believing in something that was suppose to believe and want me
My cards were laid out on the table and I still lost the game
What more could one person do?
I was willing to play the role
Compromise, Communicate and Compensate for the things I may have lacked
But his concentration was on nothing I had to offer
So now I’m back at square one
Starting this journey all over again
Although this time, I was determined to learn the lesson that was discovered
My focus was directed to the wrong man
Never realizing that the foundations I tried to build lacked depth and substance
I didn’t have the right tools to succeed in this finished product of love
Back to my new journey at hand, my focus was now on me
Building MY foundation to make this one person complete
This new man that I have found was nothing like what was once revealed before
Late night conversations of universal subjects of matter
He wanted to speak to me everyday, all day…with no hesitation or notions of being busy
I was comforted in the mid-night hour, feeling safe that no one would ever harm me while He was in my presence
His patience and understanding nature was more than any woman could ask for
As I knew for myself that I was not perfect
Yet he was willing to love my flaws and all
He knew me without me having to tell him anything
He knew when I was sad, mad, and happy
He encompassed my mind so much that sex was less of a burden
When I asked, he would deliver with no questions asked
Yet as all of that was indeed perfect…I had moments of temptation to seek men outside of our relationship
Wanting to see if the grass was greener on the other side
And even though I had times of disloyal behaviors, He always found a way to pull me back into Him
He allowed me to experience the other side as it was my decision
Just so that I may be able to appreciate Him more when I returned
He is more to me than what I was searching for
As love has no limitations or boundaries
My expedition to finding love has been found
Because I have found God and He is love.

I'm Ready

The love of my life that was once lost has now been found deep in my heart. I have learned that my suppressed emotions of love have been stored in a sacred place, not realizing that it would be revealed by the one that I have once loved. He stepped into my life like a new creature of existence. He came back into my life and brought back every feeling that I have never felt before. Its so impossible to ignore even though I have tried over and over again to prevent the expression of how I really feel…but I can’t take this anymore. I want him back in my life. Over the two years of us not being together, I’ve come to understand that love is the true feeling of which I felt for this man. He has the ability without his own knowing…that he motivates me, he brings joy into my life, he makes me forget about all the problems of my life, he uplifts my spirits when he is around, and the sexual events of our connection sends signals of adoration to my mind, he stimulates my heart that is linked to my mind but ultimately thrives within my soul, he has given me someone to love affectionately and I didn’t know that then….but I know that now and I just don’t see my life without him. How is it that I have never understood or acknowledged this feeling before? Why was I so afraid of such a strong desire of internal connection with someone that I feel should belong to me. I’m ready to be in love again, all I need is for him to love me back and we would have that equally yoked existence I have always yearned for. He is such a beautiful person, funny, handsome, goal oriented, wants more out of life and out of himself, family oriented and knows how to treat a woman. How did I let him go in the first place? As I think back on the times of our previously existing relationship, I now recognize how much he actually meant and means to me. But now as we are in the present, our friendship has developed into something more than what was developed in the past…which builds on stronger and substantial feelings that I can honestly say makes me into a better person. I feel feelings now…and those of whom I have met after him, I have had no type of feelings of importance towards them…more so fulfilling a void that I was missing…taking up space to entertain me and provide me with an imaginary yearning for companionship with them. Sex, lies, deceit and lack of true and unconditional love was what was bestowed upon me while engaging in communication with these bunnies. Bunnies are men that provide nothing more than a nice thing to look at and play with for a short period of time until someone of importance and meaningful existence comes along and grabs your attention. Its unfortunate that these bunnies had to come into my life and at times bring me to a point of total disgust with myself. Now I understand that they have really given me reason to appreciate men like that one I want back. He brings life into me and now I want that again, is that too much to ask? But the bottom line is….I love him more than he knows….and if he asks me…..my response will be that I’m ready….ready to love again.

In his opinion...the perspectives of men on the idea of appoarching women and their first impressions...

I asked a question to some of my male friends on facebook the other day… “What would be a reason why you wouldn’t approach a woman you desired to be with…is it really because you’re scared or intimated? If intimated, what are you afraid of…besides the usual thought of being rejected? The comments that I received from a few of my guy friends, were quite intriguing. I thought I should share.

Male 1
i have never been intimidated by a woman...i can't take rejection tho'

Sacred Ruby
But how do you know that you are going to get rejected if you didn't even try? Is it a possible lack of confidence? (Just asking)

Male 1
i'd like to think that i'm very confident but summa the ign'ant fellas make it hard for the ones with honest intentions. and sumtimes when women have a nice lookin guy approach 'em, you automatically assume he's a player. but u're rite u neva kno if u'll get rejected but i dont even wanna take that chance...i dont like any type of rejection

Sacred Ruby
So what happens when you or if you get rejected by someone you thought you wouldn't get rejected by? What is your reaction to it?

Male 2
rejection. i personal try to get a feeling for the persona nd see what they are about without approaching them. hince the saying make yourself more approachable. if i dont think i would be her type or there is the slight chance for rejection i wont approach. and yes there are case when i feel not intimidated but i feel im not in that league or class that woman maybe in. its outta respect not intimidation

Male 3
I desired to be with huh? well depends on what my initial intentions are. If its just on some other stuff its easy to approach coach it would just be on to the next one. But if i thought she was wifey material then i gotta get my game face on. by the time you think of your approach its to late. when a man really likes a girl on that level they try so hard to be a gentlemen and be nice and like jason said they begin to think ur a player and we all know nice guys finish last

Male 1
well i have only approached one woman in my life and i was rejected initially but only because she was "involved"...still bruised my ego a little tho. i prefer to flirt until i'm sure they are interested

Male 4
I do believe there are men that are both: intimidated & fearful, however I believe there is another aspect that has not been addressed. Some women don't seem approachable. It's simple as that. Doesn't mean that you're not attractive or fly, just that you give off a negative vibe. It could be your body language or circle of friends. If you're at a social event and "don't appear social", most men aren't going to approach you (POV: "she's uptight"). It's not because of fear at that point, but because of the image that you are giving off. I'm fine with a woman "not looking for a man in da club", but there's a difference between that view and "I could care less that there are men in da club". lol

Male 3
To be honest with Andre i have found that the women u feel like they are out of your leage are the ones you should be approaching. 1) you will be happy as hell to get her. 2) how many other men do you think pass up on the oportunity cuz they feel the same. 3) she probably is lonely because there are so many men who feel the same.

Male 2
true until you get that woman that looks down on you because you dont have as much or are as far in life/career as she is. then i take it personal becaus eits not like im not ever gonna get there so ive just learned not to deal with it at all. its a double standard. alot of woman wan someone to have what they have or more. Men we just wanta woman to be sane we truly could care less about what she has we just anna make sure she is genuine. men these days fear the woman that wants material. Got can take that at any moment so why engae it if you can avoid it



Male 5
It can be a few reasons. Those reasons usually depend on what our mindstate is at that certain point of my life.

Age 17-20 I talked to any girl I thought was attractive. I found a way to brake the ice. I was usually only intimidated if she was with a lot of hating female friends, but I usually had a tactic for that
Age 21-23 I was really bold, I approached women in class, out and about, church, supermarket, it didn't matter. I had a lot of positive things going on in my life, so my confidence was through the roof. I also wasn't looking for a girlfriend, so I wore my intentions on my sleeve.... See More
Age 24-27 For some reason I became more self consious, more aware of myself in context to other people and my surroundings. I think this is a detriment, because my confidence took a hit. I had graduated, didn't have a job, and was living back at home. Without the positive things going on in my life, I because more aware of personal flaws in my life and appearance. So I often stopped myself from going for girls I considered out of my league, when before I didnt care, and had much success.
Age 28-29 My life really started getting back on track... Job, Education, and goals were being achieved. My confidence s back on the rise. The swag is coming back. Ill will approach any girl who gives me a welcoming sign. Be it general conversation or a simple hello. It all starts with making eye contact. If her eyes say she is approachable, if the gaze holds a little longer than comfortable, I will talk to you.

Male 5
Things that stop us in general.
1.) Us thinking she is out of our league. Too fine, too paid, too smart, or we compare ourselves to someone you were with before, and think we measure up short.
2.) We heard something detrimental about you on the grape vine. You have an STD you cant get rid of, you are a Ho, etc... but even a ho will get approached for sexual reasons... See More
3.) We are with someone else, and a.) don't want to get caught b.) or if we like you don't want to hurt you
4.) we know our intentions are BOGUS, and we care about you enough to realize you deserve better than what we can give you.
5.) We know off the bat that we can't dedicate the time required to have anything meaningful with you, because our life is moving at the speed of sound.

Sacred Ruby
Well Dionis, you make a good point, but when you say that a woman is not approachable, what is a woman that is unapproachable doing to make you feel a negative vibe...I mean I can understand if a girl is mean muggin or being extremely stand offish...but what other aspects are you taking in consideration when judging if she is approachable?

And Pierre and Andre...a woman that seems to be out of your league...good point...there are some women that got the looks, the personality, the independence...and all those other qualities that you like in a woman...but just like you said, so many men get that impression that..."oh she probably got tons of guys tryna holla at her she look like she stuck up" and other comments of the such...but in reality, the only guys that are approaching her is losers that will holla at anything. I mean I respect men that knows that they need to come correct before they approach a woman that has it going on...but why be afraid of perceived rejection?

Male 2
to understand that you have to answer your own question. why do women now a days that see a guy THEY WANT will abosolutly NOT approach them. and i mean other than the lame excuse of "oh a man is suppose to chase the female not the other way around" i hate that if you want something and you are so independent then why cant you be independant enough to apporcah a guy. ive learned the the only types of guys a woman will approach is a super pretty boy (but most woman dont like them either) and ballers. so how do you think that makes us as average decent looking succesful men

Sacred Ruby
Andre, I was asking in the perspective that if a man wanted to holla at a woman...but to answer your question, if I see a guy that I want to talk to, I have no problem with going up to him and introducing myself and offer my number to develop a friends and overtime a possible relationship. I'm independent and I honestly can say that I have my $#!T together and I don't have a problem with stepping out of my comfort zone to get to know someone. But at the same time, after I make that initial step to get to know you, and you have the desire to get to know me too, don't expect me to be the only one putting forth effort to make something happen. Because even though I may have approached you and wanted to get to know you, a man's actions thereafter will determine if my interest will remain steady on him.

Male 5
What makes you approachable is most usually the eye contact you give us. If you like what you see, or are interested, make eye contact with us, and hold it for a little longer than you are comfortable normally doing. Break eye contact... then do it a second time. The guy with confidence will approach you now. The guy lacking confidence may need a third stare. This is MORE than enough to let us know you are interested. Don't be afraid to show a hint of a smile, or an actual one.... See More

Male 2
always thats why most men are quiet (at least the smart ones) until we figure you out cause we have heard how the slightest thing we say taht you dont like with cahnge your whole opinion. i mean bottom line theres a science to approaching women and sad enough most of us have not figured it out. not totally. its always a gamble and yes men have egos and we dont like rejection no more than women do


Male 5
Losers, have nothing to lose. No real ego to shatter, so why not try for anything. The guy with swag through the roof feels the same way. He already has everything, so he has nothing to lose in an attempt at you. You can't bruise his ego with a No.

Male 2
also to add Wesly i think women dont realize that they push away alot of guys by how they react to others. WE are always watching and comparing now if we think we look better or ARE better than that dude that just approached oyu all wrong then we are not detered but if a decent dude approached you respectfully and really all he said was "HI how you doing" (which alot of men do just to see what reaction we will get) and you gave him all kinds of attitude......you just detered us from apporcahing cause 1. YOU were disrepectful when there was no need and shows class which probably have none so why bother. 2. if you turned what we would consider someone decent down then chances are we wont get anywhere either. Not to mention if we made eye contact you turned your lip up lol. i have noticed if a woman is not interested she will AVOID eye contact all together so yea wes is right about that.

Male 5
Felicia... if you make an effort like that... and the guy is obviously TOO stupid to pick up on your interest, or for some crazy reason really isn't interested.

You gave MORE than enough notice. You are an attractive woman, with a lot going on for yourself. Are good guys too intimidated to approach you while losers come aplenty?

If you give a ... See Moregreen light to a guy. And he backs away... there is usually an indicator. Something in his body language you will notice, or a trigger that sets off his change of mind. Your task is identifying that trigger...

Male 5
I agree with Andre, that is a big statement. Chances are we are watching you, and judging you based on how you are reacting to other people, and gauging ourselves accordingly.
Great point.

Sacred Ruby
Well as far as for me, I get approached by loser after loser after loser...now that is not to say that I haven't been approached by any good guys...I have...but the good guys that I have been approached by I can't say that I have either been attracted to and there has been a lack in other factors that play into my wanting to be with someone. And ... See Morethe losers that comes around, they might have the looks but the overall package is wack as crack! I know there isn't a perfect man out here, just as there is no perfect woman, but I know the qualities that I want and settling for less than what I need or want is not an option for me...just as it is not an option for some of you men out here. Additionally, I prefer being friends with a guy before jumping into a relationship...and some guys don't have the patience for that...so they move on to the next..hoping to find someone that will open up faster than myself..which is fine...I just prefer getting to know someone beyond the sex, beyond the material things...relationships need to be built off of mental stimulation and ability to have fun with that person before other things come into play. And if a long lasting relationship that leads to marriage needs to have God in the midst of that connection too...couples that don't know how to pray together or for each other has no foundation...in my opinion.

Male 6
All it is is personal preference for the man or the woman. Its all about confidence. I've always been confident enough to approach any woman. Especially if we have had some kind of eye contact and I can tell if the feeling is mutual. I never felt like my ego would be bruised by rejection.

A lot of women get approached by losers because losers don... See More't lack a lot of confidence. Honestly a lot of women are attracted to losers, so they believe even the most sophisticated woman would be attracted to them, so approaching them is a can of corn.

Male 5
Great points Felicia. You are looking for the perfect package. A great guy, who you are attracted to, that is intelligent, mentally stimulating etc.

You want the perfect package, or at least the package that is perfect for you. It isn't that you aren't being approached by good guys, just that the good guys you meet, you don't want, and that is your right to be picky. So what you must do is widen your net, and patrol waters that most likely contain the fish you want to eat. Churches, Dress Coded Events, Upperscale shopping places, Networking Mixers... You need to be out, be active, and be approachable. It all starts with your eye contact.

Now for this relationship stuff... I am confused... You meet a guy you like... and you throw him in the friend zone? Even when there is a mutual attraction to each other? Does this mean all of the physical benifits of the getting to know you phase are offlimits?

I can understand not jumping into a "Committed Relationship" that adheres to typical relationship boundaries... But in that getting to know you stage, there should be a progression of intimacy that goes along with the progression of the friendship/mutual respect for each other that is developed over time. Especially if there is a mutual attraction.

Sacred Ruby
oh I agree with you Wes...there is a progression to the intimacy of a developing relationship...I'm not saying that intimacy if completely off limits until I say so...absolutely not...I'm just making the point that you need to try to get to know that person as a friend before the whole sex comes along. Usually when a guy has sex with a woman right off the back, thats when they start losing interest....and its opposite for a woman sometimes because after sex her interest increases even if it was done in a short amount of time. There needs to be a balance between when sex in introduced into the friendship/relationship thats all I'm saying.



Male 4
@ Felicia- There are several things that are attractive & seem "approachable" to men.
1. Smiles- every man loves a smile. It's the most inviting feature you possess
2. Eye contact- I'm not saying stare da man down or look thirsty, but at least make him aware that it's "ok" to talk to you
3. Don't be consumed- Your friends are important but if u seemed consumed by their attention, some men think that you are more interested in your friends than anything they can say

Male 5
You hit the nail on the head Felicia. It is DETRIMENTAL for you not to give up the goods too fast. Even subconsiously we will label you a ho... EVEN if we really like you. It has happened to me, with girls my heart LOVED.... my mind forced me to keep them at a distance for this reason alone.

If is a fine line, but one you MUST play to have a meaningful relationship. BUT you must play it right... and there comes a time where you might have to gamble a LITTLE earlier if the guy is worth it. That time limit should be based ONLY on him reaching a level of respect for you as a woman, and in what you are building that you believe sex can't break. Beyond that... you stand to lose him. Once he has earned it, opening up a sexual relationship COULD enhance what you have already built. But at least you now have a 50/50 chance. My only advice to you is to widen your net. You have to expose yourself to more guys, you are one of the FEW women playing the game the RIGHT way, and to not only win, but to win big. Widen your net, and continue doing EXACTLY what you are doing now.

Sacred Ruby
Thanks Dionis...you make very good points. I have another question though. I'm sure most of you guys have experienced this before...a woman that wants your attention so bad that she will do just about anything to get it....for example, bending over in front of you to see her behind, reaching over you to show off her cleavage, wearing provocative clothing to show off her figure, and so on and so forth...how do you react in a situation like that? Is that attractive? Or is that a clear sign to you that she is loose and what you would want is only to sex her?

Male 5
She is too forward. I would push every limit with here to see IF she would even tell me know. She is showing off her sexual features, so my conversation and approach will have a lot of sexual connotations, direct and indirect. I would go for the gusto... and if she started playing hard to get, I would label her a tease. You don't want to go that route, not for what you are looking for Felicia. And honestly, I think a well dressed woman is way sexier. We are checking out your butt and your chest ANYWAY, so we have probably already pictured you naked. All that is over kill and will get you stereotyped and classified right off the bat

Male 6
Can't stand that, I don't need for you to reach over me to show cleavage or to bend over in front of me. I'm a man and naturally I'll notice all that on my own. Never liked women to throw themselves at me, was always a consistent turn off for me. Showed me that you didn't have respect for yourself and made me believe all you could really offer me was physical stimulation. The only time a man will react to that kind of stimulation in a positive way is when all he wants is the physical anyway.

Sacred Ruby
Oh trust me Wes, I'm not going that route, I don't feel the need to do all that. If I want your attention, I'll just come up to you and speak...I personal think that is ridiculous when I see women out here doing that to themselves...its just makes us (women) look kinda bad. And yeah, I know I need to venture out to new venues to get exposed to a variety of men...that is very clear to me...and when I want to, I will...but at the same time I'm sure God will send me who he wants me to be with in any place that I am in...rather it be a grocery store, church, lounge...whatever. So I'm in no rush...I mean I wouldn't mind being in a relationship...but its not a top priority right now...I'm sure it will when I get closer to approaching that 30 mark tho...lol

Male 5
Hahaha!! True true. I was looking up this quote "God does for those who do for themselves" but found that it isn't actually referenced in the bible! Hahaha, but where I found it made the following points:

"Many Christians ask God for help, but then expect God to do everything Himself. They excuse this by pointing to the fact that God will provide according to His will and in His timing. However, this is not a reason for inactivity. As a specific example, if you are in need of a job, ask the Lord to help you find a job - but then be active in actually looking for a job. While it is in His power to do so, it is highly unlikely that God will cause employers to come looking for you."

Male 6
I would say a couple of things, one obviously being rejection, but secondly I think self-pity. Like one of the fellas said, if it's someone you want you have to put on your game face, but I think it goes deeper than that, if its someone you really want. IF she's "the one" you try and make sure everything is perfect, that you've crossed every t and dotted every i. You wanna make sure you're financially stable, you got ur stuff together, and you try and eliminate as many of your flaws as possible to spare yourself. Another reason, is you don't wanna put yourself out there for something you're not ready. I know personally if I feel i'm not mentally ready or capable of getting on that young ladies level, then I won't even try..I may miss out on the 1, but for fear of messing up a friendship or relationship w/ a person I want, I'll avoid and get around approaching that person. Just my 2 centz.

Male 4
You're welcome babe... I agree with Wes in regards to a woman being too forward. However, it would be more productive if she just said something to the guy rather than do all of those silly things to try to get a response.

I find it interesting to hear guys say that a woman can be "out of their league" and that there can a point where sex happens ... See Moretoo soon. To me that says less about the woman & more about issues with the man that needs to be addressed.

It appears that a woman with more is looked @ less favorably. Instead of shooting her down, why don't the men just raise their personal goals & ambitions. We need to have more and do more as men... Raise your standards for yourselves. If a woman have sex on the 1st night, I don't look @ her any differently- I look @ myself as being capatible & attractive. Men don't lose interest after sex (that's a misconception), men lose interest after you're no longer interesting.

Sacred Ruby
I like that..."men lose interest after you're no longer interesting"....very good point...because that goes for women too. I posted a status a few days ago...saying if you are worried about the next man, then step your game up to get my full attention. If you think a girl is out of your league...why not step your game up to get on that level...why ... See Moresettle? I guess going out for the challenge of seeking after something that is not as easily attainable comes with maturity. Totally agree with you Dionis.

Male 5
Dionis... if a woman goes on the 1st night.... you have no concern for the # of other 1st nights she has had? Maybe it is just me... but I don't want a woman who will sleep with me on the first night, not for a serious relationship anyway.

I would trust her for the woman she shows me she is. And she is a woman who sleeps with men, and requires almost NOTHING to end up in bed. She also has little concern for her body, not taking the time to protect herself through LEARNING the man, because condoms don't stop everything, IE Genital Warts, HPV etc...... See More

Not to mention... What if I go on tour for a video shoot, or etc. I wouldn't be comfortable wifing her, because I would trust her to be the woman she showed me she is, a woman who sleeps with men day one.

Male 4
@ Wes- Not @ all fam... No concern what so ever! I don't compare myself to most/other men because it's "ME" that she's having sex with based on MY attributes. Wheter it be physically, intellectually, financially or a combination of the three: I'm want she desired... and honestly most men don't have the confidence to say or believe that. What a woman is willing to say/do with/to you says more about you than her any day. In regards to STI's, I totally understand ur view, I was moreso comment on the immediate judgement on a woman you sleep with rather quickly. Also, you can know a person for months/years and not know their status

The happiness of full potential...

I am beginning to develop a keen awareness of how to live life to its fullest potential. Living goes beyond the importance of exceeding your own expectations…its actually the logical understanding of being happy with the endeavors that are bestowed…it’s the embracing of knowledge from those of greater wisdom and the strength and tenacity to withstand the tribulations of life…while appreciating the very blessing of being able to experience the good with the bad. Life itself is a blessing…how happy you are with living it is what you make of it. Over the course of weeks, actually months, I have felt various emotions regarding the decisions that I have made in my life…those decisions may have not always been those of the most wise or prudent. At times my feelings would take control over the very logical thought process that would occur and deter me from the original plan of action. Now that I have come to this realization that my emotions are conflicting with my coherent thinking, I am beginning to make some changes. I have always said that my word was my bond…I mean what I say and say what I mean and its very rare that I fall anywhere in between. Yet I have reneged on own words by not putting them into actions…how do I make it up to myself? I seek to find the happiness that I have once rejoiced in the midst of…even when being physically alone and enjoying the relationship I had with the God that I knew. This God, is the one I had a relationship with but chose to remove him from my life to get exposed to things I regretfully thought I was missing. It’s a funny thing…those decisions….the decisions we make today, determines what happens tomorrow…and if today’s decision does not teach us a lesson…our today’s test will be tested again tomorrow. I have to reach that happy point again, so that I can live my life to its full potential of my own standards. The plan is to first get to know my God again so that He can show me my purpose, lay out my path, provide me with my strength and be my strength when I can’t withstand…and I will seek Him out as He is all that is happy, joyful and of life and love….because He is my full potential…He is who gives me life.

Make that money...don't let it unmotivate you.

Today…what a day? A continuous flowing of thoughts has penetrated my brain causing this intense headache that I can’t seem to shake off. I need to get off, but this flowing of womanhood is preventing me from doing so. Much is on my mind and I can’t seem to find an outlet…so I decided to express instead of suppress by exposing my truths on here. I don’t really have a theme to this blog, so if you’re looking for my post to flow…they won’t…my thoughts are like a roller coaster of definition and substance…my life when the depths are unexposed may be seen as the perfection of a destined woman of success and happiness…but if exposed…it show the hidden bounds of journey to obtain such levels of perceived happiness and success. I live in a place where my motivation has decreased to the point of being a lack there of…one of whom may know me, would believe that it would be impossible for someone like me to not posses that quality. My motivation has been lost because I haven’t found my purpose in a place such as this. The environment in which I spend the majority of my time, and also contributes to the economic advantage of my lifestyle, has stressed me to the point of shedding hair, migraines and an addiction to extreme butter popcorn. The inability to embrace the differences in cultures has prevented them from creating an attempt to make me feel welcomed or valued. Instead, the significance of “brown nosing” and matchless competition is promoted the most. What is most comical to me is that I notice the structural manufacture of perceived growth is their motivation. There have been many days where I have drifted to places of secluded paradises in my mind while playing the role of the captive slave at the master’s prison. The power of reason and responsibility has caused me to remain…proclaiming the strength over my being and my independence. I’ve been looking for new opportunities that dwell in areas of my passions…but the recessionary downfall of our economy has preventing this from occurring. At times, I wish I could just vacation in the places I construct in my mind…but the reality of it all…life just doesn’t work that way.

The unexpected

I was asked to post this poem I wrote a while ago as it relates to the previous post. Here goes...

Intercourse

She has become opened
Wide as he glides his way into her
She has unlocked the mental block of control
Allowing him to feel her up with his words
His gift has impressed her
His moans has suppressed her
He has censored who he really is
She cannot see because he is into her
She has had the pleasure to be in the presence of him
So he goes hard
He enters into her circle of life
Penetrating her ideals
Sucking each and every inch of what she saw as true
He infiltrates and delegates himself to enter into her privacy
She has given a piece of herself to him
She has allocated access to her mind
But when his system shuts down
She is left with unfinished business
He has done nothing but come
In and out of her life
He whispers in her ear
Of what once was thought to be real
That she should know the deal
And in time she would heal
From the continuous hits of hurt
He has dominated her into believing in him
Her hands are tied on the post
As he makes aggressive movements
But there are no signs of improvements
So she tries to release herself
Letting go of the things that kept her onto him
She is free
But he holds her down to complete his mission of destruction
But she scratches all the memories of disappointment
Because now she has taken control
No longer will his positions be tolerated
She hits him harder, faster, stronger than he has to her
He has become tired
Not realizing the power of what she has had in the beginning
He tried to impregnate her with his lies and foolishness
But she has protected herself from his disease recognized as BS
The epidemic killer of relationships known for those like him to have
He came
But she came harder
She drenched him with her fluids of wisdom
She has seen his kind before
The ones that go hard in the beginning
But when they meet a challenge they go limp
She needed someone that would last longer
Someone that was a bit stronger
One that was able to hold her down as he could not
So she released him from her presence
As his purpose was only for deliverance
The lubricant of tolerance for stupidity has been washed off
She is now content
And she is glad that she did not prevent him from meeting her
As she now knows what his type has to offer, if anything more.

A dreaming satisfaction (part 2)

Last night was an experience of much disappointment. I opened the door of my dwelling to a pathetic loser I once was attracted to. Oddly enough, I was mentally in tuned to the thoughts of missing him, yet my heart was not exposed as it once was when in his presence. He changed…for the worst in the opinion of mine…wanting only to be friends without the limitation of sex. Dreadfully so, I wanted the long seductive kisses…I yearned for the rhythmic insertions of his chocolate stiff and extended gift…I was intensely submissive to the tasting of my duplicate circles of pleasure and love below. But in this moment, I wanted nothing of the sort. We sat to discuss the demise of our once imitate essence…exposing our wrongs and emphasizing my hurts. His reactions were nothing more than an acknowledgment of my statements…no responsibility was taken or apology given. Instead, the saying of I can’t handle a relationship right now was more than I could handle at the time. I wanted nothing more but for him to leave my presence….as my purpose was limited to late night visits and short calls requesting moments to lay with me. I let him in…into my apartment- my comforting space, into my life -flustering my emotions, into the very essence of my being- my body. Love was not lost because it was never gained, but I was open and exposed more than I would have liked to…I liked him. Yet in still, he had to leave. I opened the door signifying my want for him to exit…he complied. The distance grew between one another as his footsteps lead to the outside; I closed that door…that was the ending of that connection…that vibe of sexuality. I wanted more and more is what was deserved.

But was that truly the end????

The reality of a dreaming satisfaction

I tried to avoid him, but avoiding him placed more pressure on what was really felt. I tried to play the role...playing games as they say...making it seem like I didn't care when in reality my soul was connected to him...though soul mates we were not. Why must I be attached to a man that has no yolk equal to mine? Loneliness and idle-mindedness has intrigued the dreaming side of my reality...believing things that are not true and placing efforts in a situation were they shouldn't be. Having him is out of convenience but the inconvenience of being in a relationship by myself is not what I have always dreamed of. The reality has shown me that moving on is best and progress is yet to follow once he is removed from the equation...but I keep dreaming, thinking, believing that somehow this equation will equal to more than just zero. Why must the feelings of a woman get the best of me at times...when all I would want is to move on, but the continuous reaching of communication from him is keeping me attached. Days on in when my thoughts are not with him...he would extend a message of communication causing my thought process to be intrigued by the thoughts of him thinking about me. Intimacy was in the midst of what I thought was something of substance, late nights with candle lights, scents of cherry blossom and jasmine...seductive massages with oils of sensuality, licks of lust traveling across the bodies of both, and a release of a enclosed feeling of being satisfied...but in the midst of it all...I lied...to myself...envisioning the whole time that he was mine and I was his...because in those moments I wanted to be...but the reality of it all...I exposed the treasures of my body and soul to a man that cherish nothing more than to get a release.