A Movie Night With You

Oh what I would do for a movie night with you
Lying in your arms as you hold my body in the solitude of us
Reaching for my glass of wine to toast to the connection we've developed and the happiness that encompasses it
Being tickled by your fingers filling by belly with laughter
Yet being caressed by the tips of them allowing tingles to electrify me
You running your hands through my hair
My eyes would close as I breathe deeply
I would experience that comfortable feeling of being with just you
Revolting all thoughts of being with someone else
If this is what love felt like...I never want to run from it
Prevent it or deny it
If only I could have another movie night with you
Just to turn on a movie but be in the making of our own
Me sliding my hands along your spine
Massaging you to relax you
While in the attire of lingerie
You observe the silhouette of my curves awaiting a night of passion
Room begins to spin as we make our moist exchange
Holding you so tight while leaving tatooed lines on your back
Just to remind you of the intensity of what you have given me
To then begin cuddling in the midst of our sweat
Moving my toes along the legs of yours
Wrapping ourselves in each other
All that was broken...all that was unsure was then concealed
All those negative emotions were sexually healed
If only we had another movie night
Dressed in our fancy clothes
Awaiting a night of bliss…a story beginning its creation
The night is young and so are we so this must be an eventful celebration
We lay across our blanket in the grass
With the lake breeze chilling the hairs on my skin
You surround me with your presence
Ensuring that your warmth is bestowed upon me…within me
We enjoy the film of a black and white love story
We laugh at the thoughts of love being so ideal…so unrealistic
Yet what we had was real and enough for us
Full of imperfections and misunderstandings
Some insecurities, disagreements and happy endings
But in those moments of being with you…
I knew...
There wasn't anything to compare with our union
We had what we had and that was more than others may have dreamed of
If only I could spend another movie night with you
Yet, this night wouldn't be a movie night at all
This night we supported one another in our individual stories
Bringing each other into our lives to reveal to others what we have
What is the epitome of greatest?
A couple of power I would say
My introduction of you being the outstanding,tall/dark/handsome and admired man that you are
While you promoting me for being the intelligent, beautiful and strong woman that I am
Suit and tie, dress and heels...
"I would always be there for you love..." that was our deal
All that saw, all who were there to see
Undoubtly knew that together, it was you and me
If only I had just one last movie night with you...
Another conversation with you
Warm embrace, kiss, or smile from you
Never once did I think this day would come
Never did this thought cross my mind
Yet on this day, the only option I had was to rewind
This movie…our movie…our story…came to an end
The day that I lost my lover, my supporter, my friend
When the Producer, the Creator saw fit to take you out of my reality
No longer a love story, but now a tragedy
I guess now this movie is starring me…without you
I'm so confused that I don't know what to do
It's not fair that I have to make this performance alone…I have to put on this face
As if your presence I could mentally erase
But safe embedded inside of me
Are our memories where others cannot see
You’ll now never know how much you meant to me
Or all of what I imagined us to be
If only I could have one last movie night with you
So that I could whisper in your ear how much I loved you
There is too much to hold on to, too much to which is unfinished
Still I can't believe that you just vanished
But since this time has come where I have cried so many tears
I never knew that losing you was one of my greatest fears
Yet when the clock stopped ticking for me to hear
I knew I had to accept the truth of you no longer being near

I love you baby…miss you more than you’ll ever know...I wish I would have appreciated every moment I spent with you, given that you always wanted to be there for me and with me. I still can't believe that you died and I will never get the chance to see you again...I wish I wasn't so hard on you...I wish that our last conversation wasn't me fussing at you, I wish that I would have said "yes" when you asked...So many things, so much left to say...If only...I could just see you one last time and talk to you...I wasn't prepared for you to leave...
In Loving Memory of DM.

Second Chance at Saying Goodbye

It took me a while to actually think of all the things I wanted to say to you. From the thoughts that I had of losing you to the moment that I heard the news. Honestly, I haven’t slept since I heard…and I thought that I would handle this a lot better…but in all actuality…I feel as though I may be losing a friend…one that I have grown to love, respect, appreciate, look up to, and seek advice from.

I can go back to the day that I met you. Although, I met your belongings before I came to meet you. You and your team moved to 5 East…and I was by my lonesome at first, but then I started seeing boxes. I was thinking…who is this lady that has just as many shoe boxes as I do…ha! I asked one of your colleagues, “who is the person that is sitting here?” …and they replied…oh that’s AW! It was weeks before I actually had the opportunity to meet you, but when I did, I had a feeling we would get along. We made an introduction and you said… “we should do lunch, I wanted to learn more about you”…my first thoughts were…why in the world does this lady want to know about me…it threw me off guard, but we scheduled the lunch.

We walked over to Starbucks and sat outside because it was such a nice day out and we talked about everything under the sun. From how we feel about work, to my crazy family, to your crazy family…no wonder it was so easy for me to point out who was who in your family the first time I met them.

I remember telling you about the tumor that I had in my breast and the stresses that came from it, but even then…I didn’t pick up that you were experiencing that very situation.

You told me yesterday that you wanted to tell me, but never found the right time to do it. And honestly, on Wednesday when I was driving to the hospital to see you, thoughts were just going through my mind…wondering…and thinking…was there ever a time where you tried to tell me…but I was too busy running my mouth that I didn’t pick up on the signs. Still driving to the hospital, had to pull over a few times to prevent an accident due to all the tears that kept rolling down my face, just thinking about if you ever tried to tell me and I wasn’t there for you…if I wasn’t there to listen.

I remember the day you took me around Oak Park to show me around, searching for a new place of residence in that area. Although realizing that Oak Park was waaaay too pricey for my budget, I still wanted to see what it had to offer. We went from each corner of the city, from eating ice cream, to getting cigar boxes, to stopping off at JJs or Sharks to fill my always hungry stomach. I was really happy that you had me stay over with you, because for some reason, on that day, I really felt like you needed me there. Yet, that evening, when I saw that your hair was gone, I wanted so much to ask you if something was wrong, but I didn’t want you to feel like you were obligated or I didn’t want you to feel awkward telling me. So I chose not to ask.

That didn’t change how I felt about you, the friend that I found in you or the worry that I also had for you. I knew something may have been wrong, but never did I think it was breast cancer.

I want you to know…that within these few years of knowing you…I truly see you as a very dear and close friend of mine. Not just someone I work with or someone I occasionally think about, I value our friendship.

I don’t know how many times you’ve told me to be nice to these guys, stop giving them such a hard time, stop eating that greasy food, come volunteer with me, when are you moving, stay focused, be careful with these guys and stop giving away your cookies, lets go look for apartments…and you never backed down on doing something fun! You were always full of life and energy…and if your health does not take a turn for the better, I am really going to miss that. When I say that you are like a big sister to me…you really are…and as of yet, I haven’t found such a diva, classy, sassy, mature, private, beautiful, wise, appreciative, smart, intelligent, professional, real, down to earth, open minded and heart of gold like you.

I just wanted to let you know these things because on Wednesday, I thought that I wouldn’t ever be able to say these things to you and for you to hear them. There is so many things that I want to say, but for now, I’ll keep it to the point. I love you sis and I always will.

Call to Action - What's going on?

Where was the disconnect from the days when our ancestors fought for our civil rights, fought against hate groups killing off our race, fought for justice and equal opportunities TO we now becoming our own worst enemy and killing ourselves, to thinking that because we have a black president he somehow owes you something, to not taking advantage of the opportunities in front of us but blaming others for our shortcomings, to women exposing yourselves on public sites just to get a minute of attention, to having kids with no plans to give them a positive future....what's going on? Have we really forgot where we came from and are we ok with what is becoming of us? If we're talking about bringing troops home from outside countries but fighting a war when they come home...we talk about power to the people but putting the power in a gun or bullets versus power in your brain to make better decisions...what's going on? What is becoming of us to live in an environment where our children have a 6 month life span...what are we turning into when we can't encourage or uplift one another instead we ridicule and place judgement on those that are different than us or on a different path than us....what does it mean when we call each other names that we fight so hard for others not to call us, what is going on in this world where being a single black woman with high scholastic accomplishments is less likely to be married than any other race based on statistics and articles written on how men of our own race and outside of or race think of us as less desirable than a woman of another race...I mean do we think about these things? Do we think about how our families are being effected by the senseless killings of babies and children...not counting out men and women is general? What are we going to do? What is our plan of action? How can we change the hands of time and redirect it to the path that was laid before us, when caring for one another and looking out for each other was what we did...but now we're faced with this don't "snitch" rule on people that terrorize our neighborhoods....yet we can stereotype a person on a plane and inform a flight attendant of our discomfort if someone looked like what our government portrays as a terrorist. I mean really? Don't get me wrong, I realize that our entire race is not like all that I have mentioned, but in some cases this is the reality of it all....but at the end of the day...it affects us all, even those that are not with our race...seriously though...what the hell is going on?

Wise Enough To Call Myself A Woman

As I reminisce on the days of my youth

I come to remember moments of insecurity

Inferiority, feelings of being less than or nothing to be wanted
I used to believe that I was the problem
I was the thing that caused things to fail…
Caused things to not go as planned
At least what was planned in my mind
I used to attempt to transform into what was wanted
Thinking that if I transform, they wouldn’t want to leave
Deceived by their pretentious  actions
Making me have confidence in that all they wanted was me
I didn’t want to feel lonely or spend too much time alone
Although, alone I was even when they were around
My confidence hit the ground and began to mesh well with the dirt
I was hurt, lost…confused… and seemingly becoming bitter
I couldn’t understand why I was the victim of continuous broken hearts
Even with giving all of my other parts
Yet, overtime I began to realize that my heart was exposed
Exposed to those that I wanted to believe were for me
Whether it was their physical attributes, charisma or overall style
Whatever it was I thought at that time it was worth my while
Not taking in consideration the person behind the words…the person inside the exterior
For some reason I thought they were to me…superior
In those times of confusion, I used to think that they were the prize
Good Lord, as I reminisce….I see at the time I was not too wise
I wanted to convince them and make them understand that I was the one for them
Unfortunate thoughts of a young minded girl…indeed it was
But because I felt that way, I lost myself in the mix
Trying to fix every problem that was not meant to be mended back together
Forever, is what I thought I had, yet it was gone in a haste
But never to be and never to come is what I actually had to face

 

Until that day I learned and became wise enough to call myself a woman

A woman of class, a woman of independence, a woman of joy which was now found within
It is now when I have moments I spend with myself
That I can appreciate the lessons that I have learned
Disassembling my core…to understand and accept the person I am
In this time, I learned the things that I like
What I like to do
What makes me happy
What I like in a mate
What I like about me
Along with things that I like, I began to reject the things that I don’t
What I don’t like to do
What won’t make me happy
What I will not tolerate in a relationship
What things about me I could change
I made it my decision to not be bothered with things that will distract me from my goals and God
I see myself in a different light
I hold myself to a different standard
I am a woman deserving to be treated with respect and handled with care
I am a woman choosing to respect myself and reach success
Despite the challenges that I face and the adversities that I may experience
I learned that being myself is the only person that I can and will ever be
No masks…no cover-ups…just me

I can be stubborn but also very caring and considerate

I can be outspoken but I am also a good listener
I can cut you with the truthful words I say, but I don’t ever mean for them to be hurtful
I am confident and secure, yet I can appreciate compliments
I may have a steel door protecting my heart from intruders, but when the mate to my soul is revealed, he’ll see beyond the security system and find his way in
I may focus on my career and seem to care of only my success, but if you’re by my side, I will support, care and assist you in every way I can to help us reach our goals
I know I am not perfect but in everything I do I strive for perfection
I reach for the moon but always seem to land amongst the stars
I love hard, but when my love is given in vain…you will never get as close to me as you did before even with second chances
I am unique and a person of great substance because what is within me is what was bestowed in me from God
And because he is within me
I have a purpose to live in the word of his guidance and direction
This became my revelation
When I found me in this life’s equation

Red Lipstick

I look in the mirror and here I see
A young lady staring there watching me
Bare body exposing myself to my reflection
Smiling as I was content with what I view
Oiling my skin with scented shea butter
As my golden complexion glistens from the sun rays peaking through my window It was the start of a new day
The sun had risen and he was still in a slumber
Yet, before I left for my days work, I wanted him to enjoy me
So I reached in my makeup bag to find
Something sexy, something that will define….and potentially remind
Him of the days when our love was strong and distractions were gone I want him to see me as a different person this morning
So I applied my red lipstick
This time looking in the mirror….there I saw
A sensual and sexual characteristic…the woman before was in awe
No bra, no panties…just red lipstick
I walk into the bedroom where he laid
Unaware of my transformation
Unaware of my desire to make this bedroom a sacred temple of seduction
He hadn’t experienced this bad girl in a while
The good girl but all the same pleasure girl was uncovered
He knew that when my lips were covered in red
He was being prepared for more than the usual in bed
More than just the ejaculation from performing head
He was going to get to a place where my name was yelled at the moment of his release
And his grip around my form leaves fingerprints on my skin
I was in control
I slowly creep into the bed and under the sheets
Climbed onto of his body as he laid on his frontal form
I gently kissed along his spine as my breast caressed the crest of his body
I licked those same areas just to reach the circular maze around his ears
To then whisper… “good morning, dear”
He awakens to find me in a zone that he knew he couldn’t resist I instruct him to turnover…and he obliged
I then became lost and the sheets of our domain
As my tongue became closer to his extended gift
The sun was no longer the only thing that continued to rise
He began to moan and thrust himself into my mouth
I licked it, I sucked it, I moistened it…I wanted it to be solid as a rock
And that it became
Once it reached a stiffness to my liking…
And once my circle of pleasure was drizzling from my simultaneous touches
I mounted onto his rod I rode it front ways and back ways, side ways and on the wall ways…
“you love this pussy don’t you?” I asked in my aggressive manner
He nodded his head I said “You love this pussy, don’t you?”
As I began to stroke him faster and faster
He again nodded his head and said “yes!”
I said “YOU LOVE THIS PUSSY, DON’T YOU!?”
As my hips continued to move at a rapid pace allowing his penis to surround and re-enter my pussy He then clinched my body…as I thought that he would…
Yelling to the stop of lungs… “(MY NAME) I LOVE THIS PUSSY!!!!”
Right at the very moment of his crème rupturing inside of me
He held me for a few moments
At that point, my red lipstick was displayed all over his body
Yet, it was beyond time for me to go I immediately showered myself
And became clothed and ready for work
Although, when I reached the door….attempting to unlock it
I was pinned against it
Skirt was lifted
And an insertion of his love was bestowed inside of me
He pulled my hair
He smacked my ass
He kissed my neck
He pushed himself…all of himself…inside the depths of me
This was unexpected…
Expecting him to go back to sleep after I left for work
Although, today was his day off and he seemed to want the same for me
I moaned and scratched the paint on the front door
He turned me around and picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist
Entering himself once more He was loving on me…ripping the remainder of my clothes off
To begin sucking on my breast and up and down my neck
I couldn’t resist him and nor him to me
He then asks… “Who’s pussy is this?”
I respond in a whisper…”its yours”
He pushes harder with the full extend of him and asks again I yell…. “It’s yours baby!”
He puts me down…legs weaken…
To then bend down…grabbing my legs around his neck…raising me into the air as my hands touch the ceiling
Inserting his tongue exclusively into to my pussy and sucking and flittering it on my clit
I gripped his head as I pressed it closer
My moans became louder and louder
My pussy became wetter and wetter
Just for him to grab my body again and inserted his penis inside me once more
Again he asked me…”Who’s pussy is this?”
As I began to feel this eruption coming up
I scream “(HIS NAME)!!!!!!!!”
One stroke…two stroke….three stroke…four…. that was the last stroke I needed before I released while fucking on that door
He puts me down, yet holding me close
As my legs were too weak to stand alone
Once I established my strength again
He smacked my ass and kissed my neck
And whispered in my ear….”now you can go to work”
I smirk at him…thinking…hmmmm…maybe I should stay home…
But then there was a loud noise that appeared out of no where
And everything began to disappear
Just for me to become awaken to the sound of my alarm clock reading 6:00am
It was time for me to get up for work
I look next to me…and it was the same pillows and empty space from the night before
Although, when I reached to turn off my alarm
There laid my vessel of red lipstick

Simple Recap

What has been interesting these past few months…is that I have been able to put on the biggest smile all year…disguising what was truly felt within. Don’t get me wrong, this year has been a relatively good year. I would say more good than bad. At one point, I had no desire to complain. Although, at the beginning of the year my great-grandmother had a severe stroke causing her to be paralyzed on her right side, not being able to speak or digest food. She is 94 years old and that happened to her, but fortunately, God so fit to allow her to stay around a bit longer and she is doing fine…progressively getting better…as better can be for most people her age. Next there was the decease of my God-mother…which just occurred recently…came as a shocker…but nonetheless, I truly know that she is now in heaven. She was such a great woman, full of life, smiled all the time and always made me feel special every time she came around. I’m really going to miss her. Outside of those troubled waters…I can’t say that there has been much hardship for me this year…thank the Lord! I pray that it is that way going into the next year.


Fortunately, I have achieved some great successes this year, traveled many of places, met tons of people, received a another promotion at work and experienced things I never really thought that I would…(i.e. skydiving) I knocked one thing off my bucket list…that’s for sure.

Although, I have experienced all these things…I cannot say that I have had many people to share those experiences with. It would be nice to have someone to share my highs and my lows with…but only in God’s time.

Letting Go of a Remembrance

I thought about calling you
But I changed my mind...
So...I put the phone down
Profoundly realizing that the thoughts that I have of you are mine to keep
And the benefit of knowing is no longer yours to reap
So I leap forward to forget about you...
Attempting to be affected by you no longer.
I'm learning to fulfill my hunger to be loved
By one whom I call myself.
So I hold two fingers up to chalk up the dueces
And maybe one day you'll eventually define
all that we were and all that I hoped us to be
Which at that time you were too blind to see
Since your focus was never really on me.
Therefore...I am seeking out a sacred and safe haven.
I want to restore what has been broken...
by provoking strength to withstand over sorrowful feelings
Things such as self pity and loneliness...
So I caress my mind with thoughts of success and happiness.
But I'm just battling myself in this "lost in thought" war
Trying to focus on all that I have to gain and all that is to be grateful for
To pick myself up and discover the more... The more that is to come...the more that is to be and step into a destined love that is meant for me,
Because clearly this love was not prepared for you
I'm just hoping that I don't have déjà vu when this "something new" comes along...
When he that finds me understands my worth and values it as a priceless asset
Rather than a set of assets fondled by unworthy hands of unless beings...
Which brings me to finally reaching a point of new beginnings
Seeking a place to kindle my feelings.
So I focus on what's true and what is real
Of course giving myself enough time to heal
To reflect on what was learned from this shared experience
Praying that I receive the deliverance from you in my remembrance