Simple Recap

What has been interesting these past few months…is that I have been able to put on the biggest smile all year…disguising what was truly felt within. Don’t get me wrong, this year has been a relatively good year. I would say more good than bad. At one point, I had no desire to complain. Although, at the beginning of the year my great-grandmother had a severe stroke causing her to be paralyzed on her right side, not being able to speak or digest food. She is 94 years old and that happened to her, but fortunately, God so fit to allow her to stay around a bit longer and she is doing fine…progressively getting better…as better can be for most people her age. Next there was the decease of my God-mother…which just occurred recently…came as a shocker…but nonetheless, I truly know that she is now in heaven. She was such a great woman, full of life, smiled all the time and always made me feel special every time she came around. I’m really going to miss her. Outside of those troubled waters…I can’t say that there has been much hardship for me this year…thank the Lord! I pray that it is that way going into the next year.


Fortunately, I have achieved some great successes this year, traveled many of places, met tons of people, received a another promotion at work and experienced things I never really thought that I would…(i.e. skydiving) I knocked one thing off my bucket list…that’s for sure.

Although, I have experienced all these things…I cannot say that I have had many people to share those experiences with. It would be nice to have someone to share my highs and my lows with…but only in God’s time.

Letting Go of a Remembrance

I thought about calling you
But I changed my mind...
So...I put the phone down
Profoundly realizing that the thoughts that I have of you are mine to keep
And the benefit of knowing is no longer yours to reap
So I leap forward to forget about you...
Attempting to be affected by you no longer.
I'm learning to fulfill my hunger to be loved
By one whom I call myself.
So I hold two fingers up to chalk up the dueces
And maybe one day you'll eventually define
all that we were and all that I hoped us to be
Which at that time you were too blind to see
Since your focus was never really on me.
Therefore...I am seeking out a sacred and safe haven.
I want to restore what has been broken...
by provoking strength to withstand over sorrowful feelings
Things such as self pity and loneliness...
So I caress my mind with thoughts of success and happiness.
But I'm just battling myself in this "lost in thought" war
Trying to focus on all that I have to gain and all that is to be grateful for
To pick myself up and discover the more... The more that is to come...the more that is to be and step into a destined love that is meant for me,
Because clearly this love was not prepared for you
I'm just hoping that I don't have déjà vu when this "something new" comes along...
When he that finds me understands my worth and values it as a priceless asset
Rather than a set of assets fondled by unworthy hands of unless beings...
Which brings me to finally reaching a point of new beginnings
Seeking a place to kindle my feelings.
So I focus on what's true and what is real
Of course giving myself enough time to heal
To reflect on what was learned from this shared experience
Praying that I receive the deliverance from you in my remembrance

My Toast to "The Next Chapter"

Two days ago I celebrated my 26th birthday. Whoa just to think I am getting closer and closer to this 30 year old mark. It freaks me out just thinking about it. Either way, I was just sitting at home thinking. As that is usually the case when I am sitting at home with nothing to do. I sat home for a full 12 hours and you know how many people called me? Do you know how many people texted me? Even just to say hello…the answer was zero. And this is not just the case for days like this, but most days. And its funny because someone said to me today… “wow, you are beautiful…but I am sure you get that all the time and that you have guys knocking down your door”…and the funny thing is that no one is knocking down my door…let alone knocking on the door. At least not for anything that I am looking for. It is so frustrating at times because even if I just wanted a good fuck…these lately guys…are so not what I am looking for…not convenient, not driven, not consistent…hell they can barely take my ass out on a date. I can’t even remember the last time I went out on a date.

Now this is nothing that I am feeling bad or down about, its just a realization that I have accepted. But again, now that I am getting older, I am getting tired of the bullshit. This no calling, this no responding, this no spending time with me, this no communication and this I am always reaching out to you…is no longer working for me.

So what did I do…while I’m sitting here in the midst of doing nothing….I pick up my phone and start deleting…deleting phone numbers, text messages, pictures…everything. Cleaning house as some put it. I can’t keep allowing this foolishness into my life, especially when I am starting to get to a new height in my life career wise, personally, emotionally and even spiritually. I can’t keep entertaining the very thing that I have no desire for. If all these dudes only have a dick to offer, then they don’t have much to offer at all.

What a shame to even attempt to settle for just that. And in attempt to not hurt feelings…I don’t mention how their dick wasn’t even something worth just holding on to…I can see if they was just laying it down on a sista every time…but these niggas out here can barely even hang…hang with the drive that I have. Ha…I laugh at the idea of these dudes thinking they running things because they walking around here with a dick between their legs. A dick and good looks is limited to the bedroom and late night text messages…nothing more.

At the end of the day, when I reflect on the countless number of men that I have shared myself with…I can’t say that I have honestly seriously wanted to be with many of them. I may have liked them and enjoyed the attention…but seriously…thinking that they can be a lifetime partner for me….HAHA! Get real. No personality, lack of ambition, no money having negros that honestly thought that this woman here was stuck on stupid to their charismatic behaviors and sex. Not realizing that sex can come a dime a dozen.

But here I am now, trying to self motivate and boost my confidence because I still wonder why I haven’t been sought after by someone worth keeping around. Yeah I know these other guys weren’t worth my attention but they gave me just enough to keep me from losing my mind and feeling so lonely. What have I lost in the midst of gaining that type of attention though? What have I gained? I believe that I have lost patience in dealing with foolishness and have gained wisdom to know when this foolishness is being displayed towards me.

So there you have it. I no longer wish to play the cute girl that can screw whomever I please…I want to be the woman that a man finds to potentially become his wife and grow together. This fucking around is for the birds…it lacks depth, substance, passion, love, communication, care, and the overall yearning from the shared party. I want a relationship and at this point in my life, I can’t accept anything less than that. I’m throwing in the white towel to this game, I’m folding my hand…I want more than this because I have so much more to give.

On that note, I am putting it out there that sex is no longer my main necessity…I need companionship…and if that is not a goal or target for a man that wants to date me…then…by all means…find someone that accepts your limited offerings. Moving on to bigger and better things…growing and maturing…and taking my life to the next chapter…so I raise this glass of wine and toast... “To the Next Chapter”

Nightmares on Dating Street

Here we go again, walking down this road of liking someone Wow…just to think, I haven’t really “liked” someone in a long time Without the feeling of disappointment encompassing my brain before I was able to progress forward to opening my heart Its unfortunate how many guys I have dated and have written off within the last year. It almost makes me wonder… A few of my friends have been telling me lately, “girl, would you please just settle for one person and not run at the first sign of trouble…or the first sign that he shows that is disapproving to you” And I laugh, because I sit back and think about the last few guys that I have dated I’ve re-evaluated the situations and when I look back, I would have done the same thing today as I did weeks or even months ago when I let them go. I understand that my rotation is constantly in movement and no one seems to retain… But we must ask the question, why? The last guys I have dated, lets see…

Mr. I’m a sexy Police Officer….yeah, he was just that…a sexy police officer that I didn’t give a damn if he was a police officer or a chef at a restaurant, I cared about how you treated me as a woman. And this dude was so warped in his looks and what he does for a living (since other women was always in his face) that he acted like an asshole to me. Blatant disregard for me, my time and who I was “suppose to be to him”.

Now is that someone you would want to keep around you and “work things out” for the sake of giving him a chance? Don’t get me wrong, I did allow multiple occurrences of his assholish tendencies but I couldn’t take the disrespect any longer…so he had to go…simple as that…NEXT!!!

Then there was Mr. College Crush…yeah…sexy, good looking, body out this world, but he wanted to play me like a fool. He wanted to play of “well we have known each other since freshman year in college, we’re friends…I don’t understand why we haven’t had sex yet”…yeah nigga…you wondering why we haven’t had sex yet and you can’t wrap around in your head that you’re soooo attractive and you can’t see why any woman would not want to screw you…but here is the thing…you live with a another woman and her daughter, you then got into an argument with her and decided you wanted to ask me if you can live with me for a few days (without telling me the entire situation) but we don’t even speak regularly and you place emphasis on having sex with me majority of the time we do speak….but you wonder why I haven’t had sex with you and don’t want to have sex with you? That’s funny….

so I’ll pose this question….would you want to be with someone that jumps from house to house living with other women and someone that doesn’t even communicate with you and if he does, its only to try to persuade you to have sex? Hmmmm…I think not…and my thoughts exactly…so what did I do…I moved the hell on…

Next there was Mr. Best Friend….the one that stood it out for the long haul…lets say 10 years or more…claiming to be the one for me…and wanting me to be the one for him…I can’t say that I was immediately attracted to him and quite honestly, I can’t say that I ever was truly physically attracted to him….which that’s the honest truth…either way, we had a friendship that I thought would last a life time, even if we never ended up as a couple. However, when that day came when I looked beyond the physical appearance and saw him for who I thought he really was…even with me knowing that I always saw him a different than any other guy that I have dated or befriended…I never categorized him. Until that day, when we decided to see where the other side would take us…and his whole demeanor, attitude and treatment towards me negatively changed. He placed himself in a category with the other guys. After all the years spent chasing after me and telling me a mouth full of lies about how much he wanted to be with me, after he got the cookies, now you don’t want to be with me? Now you want to see whats out there….cool……Yeah I was hurt, yeah I couldn’t believe the tables were turned on me…but after all that was said and done…I thought I had a friend…even if we never were to be together…I thought my “friend” would know how to handle a situation as sensitive as this and we would deal with it….but not the case. I can’t even remember the last time we talked and to me, that’s a shame.

Either way, friends come and go and in your life for reasons and seasons and this reason was clear and the season was over…so…again, it left me with no other choice but to take this opportunity to move on.

Then we had Mr. Lying Texas, the one who came off to be this perfect picture. Easy on the eyes, professional, mature, nice house, had a few things going on for himself…so I thought…so he made it out to be should I say. Someone that could talk that talk…had me truly believing in what he had to say. Ha… oh boy did I eventually begin to see.

Staying on topic but getting off of him for a second. To go back to my original statements…I have learned that when someone shows me themselves, I believe them. Its not hard to pick up on the things that people reveal to you…and it doesn’t take 3+ months to figure it out either…its just taking the time to see and removing the cloud of emotions that distracts you from seeing what is real.

Now back on Mr. Texas, this fool was just lying about everything…and for what reason…impressing me? What a fool. If anyone had a clue of how I was as a person, they would know that being yourself is what would get you close to me…but putting on fronts and becoming inconsistent in your behavior is nothing impressive to me and quite frankly it would cause me to move beyond you quicker than you know it. Either way, he just “bought” a house…but he sat here and tells me that he quit a 10 year job at a prestigious organization because he didn’t get the raise he thought he deserved…(by the way, with no other job to fall back on)…and this single bachelor had to move his sister and her 3 kids in his house because he quit his job…but everything in that house says his sister all over it. From decorations to pictures, to kids toys, to the smell…full of shit is what I thought. But I gave his ass the benefit of a doubt…as that is always requested of me to do. But it didn’t end there. His excuse for not taking me out on dates is because he was broke, but he decided to take a trip to Jamaica with his “guys” but while he was on this so called male bonding vacation, pictures of him and his ex-girlfriend appear on facebook with him and her on an island together…laying on the beach. Hmmmm….now I could be the dumb blonde and say, I should trust that he is where he said he is…and let it be that. But hell naw…my brain wouldn’t allow me to be that stupid. So when he gets back in town, all of a sudden the pictures are removed from facebook and his excuse was that those were old pictures and he didn’t want her tagging him on pictures, so he removed the photos. I think that was the last straw for me. Oh yeah, and besides the fact that he told me…”I’m not really consistent at all, you just have to take me for whatever I give”….and that was it.

Nothing more was needed to be said to me…and in my mind, it was already in the trash can when he lied about the whole job and owning his own home….just to find out later that his sister actually owned the home and that he was just house sitting when I came to visit from time to time. But you want me to give this dude a chance and let him get the benefits of getting to know me intimately and exclusively…HELL NAW!

There was this one guy that I can honestly say that I wish that I would have taken more time with him before I wrote him off. He was a really good guy…lets call him Mr. Playing it Safe. He was an awesome guy to me, he treated me well, catered to me, communicated with me and wanted nothing more but to be with only me. What more could you ask for right? Unfortunately, wrong…for me at that time. Three months before I met him, I had just relinquished the ties between me and my ex-boyfriend (which you all know as X) and I just wasn’t mentally ready for another relationship. I wanted things to go slow…and he was damn near ready for marriage after two months. It scared me, and I didn’t know what to do but run. I wanted to love him, and genuinely wanted to be with him…but he wanted more from me than what I was able to give emotionally at that time, and I didn’t know what else to do. I always considered my time as valuable and the time of others as well…so he was a good fish I had to throw back in the water for someone else to grab because I wasn’t ready for him and I didn’t want to waste his time with my insecurities and unsure feelings towards him. But fortunately, after we decided to part ways, he met someone else, that was ready for him and now they are engaged. Its been just under a year since we have dated and I think about him from time to time, but at the end of the day…I am happy that he is happy…and that’s all that I would want for him. That’s one good guy that’s no longer on the market and I hope the woman he is with, is someone that appreciates him just as I am sure he appreciates her.

So…what does that mean for us? We turn the page and move to the next chapter.

And the next chapter was unfortunate for me, because that’s when I met Mr. Taste of Chicago. This guy was cool, charismatic and laid back type of dude. But here is what I picked up right away. This guy had no consistent job, lived with his little cousin in a studio apartment, no car and barely had enough money to pay for himself on a date that he took me out on….go figure. Then shortly after that, he surprises me with the announcement that he has a daughter on the way…and I’m supposed to be ok with all that? He had a daughter on the way and he could barely feed himself…WTF! I wasn’t having that…that was too much drama and he couldn’t do anything for me…let alone hold a conversation with me that didn’t consist of him telling me about the fifty million things he wants to do…such as…I want to be a police officer, I want to be a singer, a model, a producer, a artist, a entrepreneur, a whatever else he decided to come up with at the time…or moreso whatever the topic of discussion was, he wanted to be something like that. No sense of direction, no drive to focus on one particular thing and do that well.

So of course, do you really think he was worthy of continuing my interest? That was a rhetorical question.

Which leads me to my next candidate. I haven’t gotten a name for him as of yet, since this is relatively still knew. I’ll have to wait on my critique about him until I have more information. But I will say this…I like him. And I really do hope things will work out. As you can see my dating scene has been a nightmare and I would rather not walk down this road again, because its more than a notion letting your hair down for someone that wants to play with your emotions. So hopefully, my next post will be something that I can look back on and say…I’ve come a long way…and maybe this dating thing isn’t so bad…but for now…stay tuned.

Can I get a clue?

I am finally understanding the complexity of my own thinking... I have created a superficial idea of happiness that has allowed me to be free… removing all thoughts of love and hurt from lost love…but yet, I stand… Wishing… Wondering… If I would have done something differently... The outcome to this shortcoming would have equaled to more... More than late nights waiting for the phone to ring... Wishing the thought of me would cross the mind of another... Just the yearn for me... Even just to be... In the presence of a thought... How pathetic is that?... For a woman of great substance such as I... I am lost... Lost trying to find what love really means... If it exists beyond a broken heart... If love can ever be true... Although lustful experiences are amongst many lies... I thought in agreements such as sex partners... There was an understanding... That lies were not needed…but even still... I am still told them... Him and her, her and him, not with her, out with him… What for?... Girlfriend is never a title that I hold... Wanting to believe that it was by choice... Yet that is a lie continuously told within myself... I contemplate the idea of being alone... Long term... That is a lonely and unwanted reality... Focusing on me and my career... To keep busy... Avoiding the very thought of being with no one... Seriously ... Committed that is… Sexually is easy to come by... But more is what I need... More than an insertion of penis... That is no longer my only turn on... I need his... His love... His respect... His honesty... His support... His communication... His touch... I miss something I feel I never had... Having only a dream… Holding on to a dream that is untrue… Not real… Heal my heart so that I can learn... Instead of suppress... Caress my soul to seek more... The adore type of love... But I sleep in a bed of silk sheets ... Awaiting the moment to share this space... Replace the pillow between my legs... With a person that wants to hold me... Lay with him just to whisper “I love you”... And for him to respond with “I love you more”... More than what I see... More than what is known... More than what is to come... I love you for all that you are and all that you are to be... Not quite certain that…that type of love exists... Because my heart is hurting... But I have pain relievers to cover the pain... One day, this will all change... My life will be rearranged... To accept these things I can not change... And aspire to have the courage to change the things that I can... Then hopefully we will make some progress... Life’s a bitch sometime... And love is her evil sister... Go figure... Bitter…I wouldn’t say so... Just in the company of my own too often... And wish that to change… Tired of being lied to and disregarded... I am one to be regarded and attended to... But according to who?... Can I get a clue?... Because this rollercoaster of no love and the confusion of lust is for the birds…

Let the Games Begin! (part 2)

Like I said, its all a game…its just understanding individual’s purposes and knowing what role they play in your life. I can honestly say that I have played many of games, but to name a few…I’ve played



“The Older Guy Game”
“The Rich Guy that Always Have to Tell You What They Got Game”
“The too intelligent for your own good Game”
“The boring and lose my attention fast Game”
“The expect women should chase after men Game”
“The good, the bad and the ugly in bed Game”
“The I’m going to take you away from your man Game”
“The liars and the cheaters Game”
“The I’m a church goer but trying to have sex with me on the first date Game”
“The Insecure Game”
“The don't pickup the phone Game”
“The stand me up Game”
“The can I come over at 4am booty call Game”
“The she was just my friend Game”


I can go on and on with listing the names of many games that I've played. And quite frankly, I'll admit that I've lost a few hands, thinking that maybe this time, I was playing with my partner...no real games just something to keep things interesting. Yet, time and time again, has that shown it's true colors and revealed itself to be the very nature of a strategic approach game…as I was placed in a category and I didn’t know my role…caused me to become confused and lose the battle. Who would have thought that I would have lasted this long out here in the field? One would have assumed that bitterness and defensiveness would have taken control and allowed me to be closed away from any new opportunities, new games that is.


Like I said, in dating, it's always a game, whether you are playing it with someone or solitary...either way, my suggestion would be to determine the purpose of these individuals that come into your life…are they “partner” candidates or do they need to be categorized. If neither, dispose them and move on while leaving that “partner” position vacate until that one person decides that they want to fill the position…but before YOU determine if they are going to stay….LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Men of many catergories - which one are you?

The purpose of “I just want to screw you”…a guy that comes along, playing the game with you and you notice that all he wants to do is have sex with you and aren’t willing to give you the love or attention that all women so often desire. If you so decide, and believe that his dick is worth keeping around, place that guy in this category. You make the rules and let him know that this is an understanding to which no feelings will be exchanged but I need you to make me feel good from time to time. If you can handle this arrangement, then let the categories begin, until you’re ready to replace him. As in all the categories, if they prove to be a potential candidate for the “partner” role, then maybe we can reconsider some things and move him over to the recycle bin.



The “recycle” bin is for all the men that you have categorized and given another use for that has demonstrated they are may have the tools to serve as your “partner”. These are the guys that have King like qualities but are still in Prince development mode. You kinda like them, but they haven’t made the right moves yet to convince you that they want to play on the same side with you. However, if one day they do prove themselves to be a King, they have the potential to be that King and partner with his Queen that they have found in you. As I have mentioned in a previous blog, I believe that all guys are good guys, but it all depends on who they want to be good to. And if being good to you is not being demonstrated towards you, then clearly you’re not the one that he wants. If he categorizes you, then you should be able to determine which one that you’re in, if not, you may be in Checkmate or need to fold this hand before you end up getting your feelings hurt. If you don’t know the role you play, it is easy for you to lose the game.


But then you have this “friends” category that so many guys in up in. These are the guys that you find that they are not compatible with you, but they treat you really nice, but there is something about them that just don’t match up with you. Whatever that reason may be, they can’t hold the “partner” role but you believe that they should still remain in your life…in this game that is, then move him to this category and allow the blessings of great restaurants, cool conversations, and fun hang outs to encompass you. Like I said, all guys are good guys, its just who they want to be good to…and now I add to say, all good guys are not for you…so don’t jump on the first one that comes along as they may not be the equally yoked partnership that plays by the same rules that you do.


And finally, you have the “disposable” trash can, and this is just that. The ones that come along and right off the back you know dang gon well that this person has no business being in your life for any purpose or reason. It could be the married man that’s been trying to make you the side chick, it could be the ex-boyfriend that has a new girlfriend but wants you to remain in his life because of history you shared, it could be the guy that smacked you upside your head once before, it could be that boss that’s been trying to persuade you to come into his office after hours, it could be a list or variety of different things, yet and still, they don’t belong in the same league with you and they should be disposed of. These are the guys that can cause more harm and damage than to bring you happiness and joy…as in winning any game…the main focus and prize is to obtain happiness and joy.


This happiness should be shared with the one that you call “partner”, the one that has fought this battle with you, loved you unconditionally even when you cut him with a spade when he was winning the hand. This is the person that strategized with you to determine how you both were going to win, leaving only the King and his Queen on the board. This is the person that remained in the “partner” seat because he gave you no reason to place him in a category. His pursuit of you demonstrated that he only wanted to be with you and you felt the same for him. It’s a beautiful thing when this occurs, a friendship develops, you understand what moves each other is going to make even before they do it, you can look at them in the face and know if they are working with something good or if you need to pick up the slack where he is lacking…this is the person that you take every where you go, because you don’t want to risk the possibility of losing a game with another random person because you know this person is going to win the game with you….this is that king that has king qualities and knows his role…because now you’re official partners.

Let the Games begin! (part 1)

Dating is a game, awaiting to see who folds first..

Who gives up the goods and show their cards.
Unfortunately, when you show what your working with, your opponent has the ability to toy with you, play with your emotions and completely make you believe that they are trying to help you win the game. I have been in this game for a long time now…and finally I have developed a new strategy. This strategy can be used for both men and women…but I’m a women, so here is my perspective…


My new strategy consists of categories. Think of it this way…
When you’re dating, the initial interest starts with someone that you are mainly focused on
Thinking in the beginning that they are all about you and their interest is to be only a partner for you
Until one day, when they show their cards and you realize that they are making some BS moves
This is when you determine which category to place them in, or if you want to fold and get out of playing the game with them completely.
When playing a game with someone, you have your partner and you have your opponents.
In the game of life, it is up to you to determine who plays which role
However, in describing the partner role
This person plays side by side with you, putting all their interest in what is best for the both of you and doing it all with their focus on winning this game together. Not many people are compatible to you or are capable of being your partner; therefore you have to choose wisely.
You have to place people in that partner seat, to play a couple rounds of the dating game to see if they are worthy of staying in this position.
As if they are not, and you notice that they are not with you, but are against you, making you feel like all they want to do is take your pawns and knights just to get closer to your Queen to toy with your emotions
This is when you realize that you’re playing with an opponent.
Here is where you place these people into categories
Now these categories can change from person to person
However, for me, I have the “I just want to screw you” category,
The “recyclable” category
The “I just want to be your friend” category
And last but not lease, The “disposable” category
Clearly these categories are self explanatory
But allow me to explain…
As mentioned, that partner position should always remain vacate unless one of the players prove themselves that they should not be categorized
Because if they do become categorized, you begin to see what purpose you can allow this person to have in you life, if any…

Eliciting Forbidden Opportunities

He has been watching me. Closely while unknowingly I focus on my work. He sits there staring and pondering on ways to pursue, to find out what this piece taste like…what I taste like that is. Smiles are exchanged although the meaning behind the two are very different…in the beginning. Starting off from the start, an occasional hello and slight flirtatious grind would be exposed, then it led to following me in the copy room, walking me to my car, taking me out to lunch, inviting me to late night events, and then asking for rides home…damn. The conversations between us two are always subliminal, trying not to exchange the true feelings of one another…as I started to develop a likeness for this character. His unexpected swagger and smooth speech slowly made an impression on my interest for him.  Wishing sometimes that he would stay after work and take advantage of a situation that we both had desires for…hmmm. Yet, I knew that none of this could take place…this was our place of employment, this was a colleague, this was a person that watched me daily, noticing my characteristics, capturing my emotions and frustrations, acknowledging my hard work and yet in still, none of this seductive thinking could come into existence. We are two of different backgrounds, not that it was something that worries me…but it is different…although the thought of something different entices me to try him, to submit to him, to want him.  I would comply to lunch dates where we would speak of our life’s situations, from start to finish, from good to bad, from relationship to kids. And on that point, he realizes that my life is easy…no children, no husband to call my own, living alone and wishing for the comfort of someone that interest me. Which brings me to my point, that this could never be, more than just a lustful thought, this could never exist as more than a flirty smile, this could never serve as more than just a friendship…more than just a sexual tension between a man and a woman in a workplace where he that watches me, is married, with two children and of a different race than I. This thought is limited to only the circuits that trigger the fantasies in my brain…although wishing it to be a reality without the consequences that would come after. Hmmmm….but what if….