He is Love

To many times before, have I walked down this road
Looking for something that wants to be hidden
I’m searching for a component that is missing
Love is what I sought after
But lust and heartbreak was what was found
I have leaned into my own understanding
Wishing for more than a late night orgasm
Craving for more than a short insubstantial conversation
Yearning for the stay into morning
I have lost my mind in the journey to finding love
Losing my mind to men that seek nothing more but to internally destroy me
Tearing away the uniqueness of my beauty
Beauty in the underlining meaning of He who is within me
I have become settled
As I have settled for less than what was deserved
Attempting to satisfy a craving for unconditional adoration
Convenience is what I proclaimed it to be
Masking the true nature of what I wanted it to be
Yet in still, pieces of me were being given away at no price
Even though the worth of me was priceless
I wanted more and more was what I needed
I needed something to gratify my want for intimacy
As often times the thoughts of sexual fantasies began to explore in my imagination
While the vibration of toys began the stimulation
Orgasmic release occur multiple times yet satisfaction was non-existent
I was still missing something
Keeping busy was what the wise woman said to me
Claiming that to be the answer to my exploration of love
Yet when the demanding events being to decelerate
My mind begins to unconsciously explore again
Thinking of all the aspects of what makes love love.
And verifying if love was something I had in me to give
I have been penetrated by hurt
I was angered by all the lost lusts that has came across my existence
Not understanding why it was me that they decided to do harm
I thought I was in love
I risked it all believing in something that was suppose to believe and want me
My cards were laid out on the table and I still lost the game
What more could one person do?
I was willing to play the role
Compromise, Communicate and Compensate for the things I may have lacked
But his concentration was on nothing I had to offer
So now I’m back at square one
Starting this journey all over again
Although this time, I was determined to learn the lesson that was discovered
My focus was directed to the wrong man
Never realizing that the foundations I tried to build lacked depth and substance
I didn’t have the right tools to succeed in this finished product of love
Back to my new journey at hand, my focus was now on me
Building MY foundation to make this one person complete
This new man that I have found was nothing like what was once revealed before
Late night conversations of universal subjects of matter
He wanted to speak to me everyday, all day…with no hesitation or notions of being busy
I was comforted in the mid-night hour, feeling safe that no one would ever harm me while He was in my presence
His patience and understanding nature was more than any woman could ask for
As I knew for myself that I was not perfect
Yet he was willing to love my flaws and all
He knew me without me having to tell him anything
He knew when I was sad, mad, and happy
He encompassed my mind so much that sex was less of a burden
When I asked, he would deliver with no questions asked
Yet as all of that was indeed perfect…I had moments of temptation to seek men outside of our relationship
Wanting to see if the grass was greener on the other side
And even though I had times of disloyal behaviors, He always found a way to pull me back into Him
He allowed me to experience the other side as it was my decision
Just so that I may be able to appreciate Him more when I returned
He is more to me than what I was searching for
As love has no limitations or boundaries
My expedition to finding love has been found
Because I have found God and He is love.

I'm Ready

The love of my life that was once lost has now been found deep in my heart. I have learned that my suppressed emotions of love have been stored in a sacred place, not realizing that it would be revealed by the one that I have once loved. He stepped into my life like a new creature of existence. He came back into my life and brought back every feeling that I have never felt before. Its so impossible to ignore even though I have tried over and over again to prevent the expression of how I really feel…but I can’t take this anymore. I want him back in my life. Over the two years of us not being together, I’ve come to understand that love is the true feeling of which I felt for this man. He has the ability without his own knowing…that he motivates me, he brings joy into my life, he makes me forget about all the problems of my life, he uplifts my spirits when he is around, and the sexual events of our connection sends signals of adoration to my mind, he stimulates my heart that is linked to my mind but ultimately thrives within my soul, he has given me someone to love affectionately and I didn’t know that then….but I know that now and I just don’t see my life without him. How is it that I have never understood or acknowledged this feeling before? Why was I so afraid of such a strong desire of internal connection with someone that I feel should belong to me. I’m ready to be in love again, all I need is for him to love me back and we would have that equally yoked existence I have always yearned for. He is such a beautiful person, funny, handsome, goal oriented, wants more out of life and out of himself, family oriented and knows how to treat a woman. How did I let him go in the first place? As I think back on the times of our previously existing relationship, I now recognize how much he actually meant and means to me. But now as we are in the present, our friendship has developed into something more than what was developed in the past…which builds on stronger and substantial feelings that I can honestly say makes me into a better person. I feel feelings now…and those of whom I have met after him, I have had no type of feelings of importance towards them…more so fulfilling a void that I was missing…taking up space to entertain me and provide me with an imaginary yearning for companionship with them. Sex, lies, deceit and lack of true and unconditional love was what was bestowed upon me while engaging in communication with these bunnies. Bunnies are men that provide nothing more than a nice thing to look at and play with for a short period of time until someone of importance and meaningful existence comes along and grabs your attention. Its unfortunate that these bunnies had to come into my life and at times bring me to a point of total disgust with myself. Now I understand that they have really given me reason to appreciate men like that one I want back. He brings life into me and now I want that again, is that too much to ask? But the bottom line is….I love him more than he knows….and if he asks me…..my response will be that I’m ready….ready to love again.