Wise Enough To Call Myself A Woman

As I reminisce on the days of my youth

I come to remember moments of insecurity

Inferiority, feelings of being less than or nothing to be wanted
I used to believe that I was the problem
I was the thing that caused things to fail…
Caused things to not go as planned
At least what was planned in my mind
I used to attempt to transform into what was wanted
Thinking that if I transform, they wouldn’t want to leave
Deceived by their pretentious  actions
Making me have confidence in that all they wanted was me
I didn’t want to feel lonely or spend too much time alone
Although, alone I was even when they were around
My confidence hit the ground and began to mesh well with the dirt
I was hurt, lost…confused… and seemingly becoming bitter
I couldn’t understand why I was the victim of continuous broken hearts
Even with giving all of my other parts
Yet, overtime I began to realize that my heart was exposed
Exposed to those that I wanted to believe were for me
Whether it was their physical attributes, charisma or overall style
Whatever it was I thought at that time it was worth my while
Not taking in consideration the person behind the words…the person inside the exterior
For some reason I thought they were to me…superior
In those times of confusion, I used to think that they were the prize
Good Lord, as I reminisce….I see at the time I was not too wise
I wanted to convince them and make them understand that I was the one for them
Unfortunate thoughts of a young minded girl…indeed it was
But because I felt that way, I lost myself in the mix
Trying to fix every problem that was not meant to be mended back together
Forever, is what I thought I had, yet it was gone in a haste
But never to be and never to come is what I actually had to face

 

Until that day I learned and became wise enough to call myself a woman

A woman of class, a woman of independence, a woman of joy which was now found within
It is now when I have moments I spend with myself
That I can appreciate the lessons that I have learned
Disassembling my core…to understand and accept the person I am
In this time, I learned the things that I like
What I like to do
What makes me happy
What I like in a mate
What I like about me
Along with things that I like, I began to reject the things that I don’t
What I don’t like to do
What won’t make me happy
What I will not tolerate in a relationship
What things about me I could change
I made it my decision to not be bothered with things that will distract me from my goals and God
I see myself in a different light
I hold myself to a different standard
I am a woman deserving to be treated with respect and handled with care
I am a woman choosing to respect myself and reach success
Despite the challenges that I face and the adversities that I may experience
I learned that being myself is the only person that I can and will ever be
No masks…no cover-ups…just me

I can be stubborn but also very caring and considerate

I can be outspoken but I am also a good listener
I can cut you with the truthful words I say, but I don’t ever mean for them to be hurtful
I am confident and secure, yet I can appreciate compliments
I may have a steel door protecting my heart from intruders, but when the mate to my soul is revealed, he’ll see beyond the security system and find his way in
I may focus on my career and seem to care of only my success, but if you’re by my side, I will support, care and assist you in every way I can to help us reach our goals
I know I am not perfect but in everything I do I strive for perfection
I reach for the moon but always seem to land amongst the stars
I love hard, but when my love is given in vain…you will never get as close to me as you did before even with second chances
I am unique and a person of great substance because what is within me is what was bestowed in me from God
And because he is within me
I have a purpose to live in the word of his guidance and direction
This became my revelation
When I found me in this life’s equation