Growth, Success, Progression, Tenacity, Dedication, Determination and Motivation
These are all words that people use from time to time to build a solid foundation in preparation for life’s obstacles. It has been a long time coming since I have focused my attention on my game plan to reach an abundance of happiness…striving for success at my own pace. When you arrive at a certain point in your life where everything seems to be going in reverse, things are not operating in the fashion that you want them to go…and its unfortunate that we as individuals in society have to experience trials and tribulations, however, that’s just called being human. Now how you handle the trials that come your way will determine the outcome of your success.
I am saying this all to say that I have arrived at my breaking point. Ok…let me take that back…not my breakpoint, but my turning point would be more of an accurate word for it. This turning point in my life has placed me in a position to make life changing decisions. When I was a kid, I can remember thinking hmmmm…should I call Little John John or should I wait for him to call me….I don’t want to seem anxious. And looking back on that type of decision back then, they seem so unimportant now. However, the decisions that I make, now that I am a grown woman could make or break my whole lifestyle. Now with that stated, this turning point has caused me to reflect on my past decisions to understand why I am in the position I am in today. I question myself, why am I still single, why haven’t I found a permanent job, why am I feeling alone with no one to turn to, why do I question myself these same questions repeatedly within a 3-5 month span. And now that I think about it, it is because of the recent decisions that I have made, using the same techniques in hopes to getting a different result. Isn’t that called being insane?
“Insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” - Albert Einstein
So lets just say, according to Albert Einstein, I have been temporary insane for a little while. Lets break each point down.
1.Why am I still single?
I have recently come to realize that an ex boyfriend of mine has hurt my feelings to the point that I do not want to develop the feeling of love any time soon. I attempt to force my feelings of not liking him in my brain to assist me with my moving on process. While forcing these feelings, I adversely become bitter towards him, demonstrating my actions towards him in a spiteful and mean manner. Truth be told, I am not a mean person at all, but the unfortunate part about love is that it can make you do things you would not normally do. Therefore, I have not allowed myself to forgive him because he is still not acting in the manner of which I want him to act. We call that CONTROLLING. I have gotten a slight reality check from one of my aunties, and she stated that,
“You are trying to control him by being angered by his actions of not performing in the manner you want him to perform in. He is not a puppet that you can toy with, he is a man and once you get that in your head, you may find yourself learning to love him again even if being together again is not an option.”
Those words that she stated to me was so profound and insightful that a light bulb finally went on, and I realize what I was doing wrong. She was absolutely right, I was trying to control a man that would not allow himself to be controlled…and his actions and words showed that but I just was not trying to hear it. Moreover, that was my problem, I continued to use the same methods…expecting him to act differently and that was not going to happen. So now back at square one, now that I realize my behaviors, whatsoever shall I do next? STOP….THINK ABOUT IT.
First of all, I need to remove the dead weight of insolent and juvenile young men that I have included in my life to take up rebounding space. If their purpose is not for the betterment of my being, then I need to relax, reflect, and release. I need to stop worrying about who is next on my agenda to occupy time, instead I need to spend some time with myself to verify my needs and wants and pray that me and God are on the same page. I need to stop playing the “super woman” role all the time and let a man be a man. If I’m playing his part, what purpose does he have? I need to open my heart again to allow someone to see who I really am without shielding myself away. And overall I need to trust people until they prove another wise. That sounds so easily done, but as we all know, things like moving on, letting your guard down, opening up to someone new…etc…but the first step needs to be taken, and acknowledge is the first….now let me progress….next step….FORGIVENESS…
2.Why haven’t I found a permanent job?
Now this is a question that the majority of America is asking themselves. I have the skills, I have the degree, I have the charisma and personality…whats the problem? Why don’t I have a job?! Well…disappointingly the economy is not in a high demand of hiring new people…instead people are getting laid off. Money is not as easy to come back as it once was, therefore, people are out here jobless. Now in my situation, I have made a decision to resign for a position that I was obviously not in alignment with. I hated going to work everyday, I couldn’t stand working with some of the people and to top it off, they weren’t paying me enough to work the long hours with micromanaging, ill-mannered and dysfunctional senior management. Hence my resignation from the company. It was not only I that felt that way, as their retention rates for employees revealed that this company was obviously lacking key components for keeping their employees happy and motivated. So in this case, of course it is going to take time for me to find something permanent…and I am learning that it will be ok, God has blessed me with means to get by and he will make a way, so that is all that I can rely on right now.
3.Why am I feeling alone with no one to turn to?
What a funny question to ask myself. I have been so far removed from the relationship that I have once had with God. When no one else is around, God has always been my way maker, provider, comforter, protector and all that I have ever needed. I need to build my prayer life up and participate in church more actively so that I can rebuilt the connection I have once had with God. Simply put.
Now let me go back….you’re probably wondering, why in the heck is she answering her own questions? And if you must know…its called REFLECTING. I understand where I am and why I am where I am in my life…and now I have finally took the time to dissect some of the aspects to produce a positive result. Now is my time to make some moves while staying positive and hope that this positivity can rub off on someone else.
This is not to say that my next post won’t be a venting pot for my readers, because I am only human…but I am attempting to start on the right foot. So I’ll say, stay blessed, be happy and keep reading…lets see how this unfolds.
No comments:
Post a Comment