The reality of a dreaming satisfaction

I tried to avoid him, but avoiding him placed more pressure on what was really felt. I tried to play the role...playing games as they say...making it seem like I didn't care when in reality my soul was connected to him...though soul mates we were not. Why must I be attached to a man that has no yolk equal to mine? Loneliness and idle-mindedness has intrigued the dreaming side of my reality...believing things that are not true and placing efforts in a situation were they shouldn't be. Having him is out of convenience but the inconvenience of being in a relationship by myself is not what I have always dreamed of. The reality has shown me that moving on is best and progress is yet to follow once he is removed from the equation...but I keep dreaming, thinking, believing that somehow this equation will equal to more than just zero. Why must the feelings of a woman get the best of me at times...when all I would want is to move on, but the continuous reaching of communication from him is keeping me attached. Days on in when my thoughts are not with him...he would extend a message of communication causing my thought process to be intrigued by the thoughts of him thinking about me. Intimacy was in the midst of what I thought was something of substance, late nights with candle lights, scents of cherry blossom and jasmine...seductive massages with oils of sensuality, licks of lust traveling across the bodies of both, and a release of a enclosed feeling of being satisfied...but in the midst of it all...I lied...to myself...envisioning the whole time that he was mine and I was his...because in those moments I wanted to be...but the reality of it all...I exposed the treasures of my body and soul to a man that cherish nothing more than to get a release.