In his opinion...the perspectives of men on the idea of appoarching women and their first impressions...

I asked a question to some of my male friends on facebook the other day… “What would be a reason why you wouldn’t approach a woman you desired to be with…is it really because you’re scared or intimated? If intimated, what are you afraid of…besides the usual thought of being rejected? The comments that I received from a few of my guy friends, were quite intriguing. I thought I should share.

Male 1
i have never been intimidated by a woman...i can't take rejection tho'

Sacred Ruby
But how do you know that you are going to get rejected if you didn't even try? Is it a possible lack of confidence? (Just asking)

Male 1
i'd like to think that i'm very confident but summa the ign'ant fellas make it hard for the ones with honest intentions. and sumtimes when women have a nice lookin guy approach 'em, you automatically assume he's a player. but u're rite u neva kno if u'll get rejected but i dont even wanna take that chance...i dont like any type of rejection

Sacred Ruby
So what happens when you or if you get rejected by someone you thought you wouldn't get rejected by? What is your reaction to it?

Male 2
rejection. i personal try to get a feeling for the persona nd see what they are about without approaching them. hince the saying make yourself more approachable. if i dont think i would be her type or there is the slight chance for rejection i wont approach. and yes there are case when i feel not intimidated but i feel im not in that league or class that woman maybe in. its outta respect not intimidation

Male 3
I desired to be with huh? well depends on what my initial intentions are. If its just on some other stuff its easy to approach coach it would just be on to the next one. But if i thought she was wifey material then i gotta get my game face on. by the time you think of your approach its to late. when a man really likes a girl on that level they try so hard to be a gentlemen and be nice and like jason said they begin to think ur a player and we all know nice guys finish last

Male 1
well i have only approached one woman in my life and i was rejected initially but only because she was "involved"...still bruised my ego a little tho. i prefer to flirt until i'm sure they are interested

Male 4
I do believe there are men that are both: intimidated & fearful, however I believe there is another aspect that has not been addressed. Some women don't seem approachable. It's simple as that. Doesn't mean that you're not attractive or fly, just that you give off a negative vibe. It could be your body language or circle of friends. If you're at a social event and "don't appear social", most men aren't going to approach you (POV: "she's uptight"). It's not because of fear at that point, but because of the image that you are giving off. I'm fine with a woman "not looking for a man in da club", but there's a difference between that view and "I could care less that there are men in da club". lol

Male 3
To be honest with Andre i have found that the women u feel like they are out of your leage are the ones you should be approaching. 1) you will be happy as hell to get her. 2) how many other men do you think pass up on the oportunity cuz they feel the same. 3) she probably is lonely because there are so many men who feel the same.

Male 2
true until you get that woman that looks down on you because you dont have as much or are as far in life/career as she is. then i take it personal becaus eits not like im not ever gonna get there so ive just learned not to deal with it at all. its a double standard. alot of woman wan someone to have what they have or more. Men we just wanta woman to be sane we truly could care less about what she has we just anna make sure she is genuine. men these days fear the woman that wants material. Got can take that at any moment so why engae it if you can avoid it



Male 5
It can be a few reasons. Those reasons usually depend on what our mindstate is at that certain point of my life.

Age 17-20 I talked to any girl I thought was attractive. I found a way to brake the ice. I was usually only intimidated if she was with a lot of hating female friends, but I usually had a tactic for that
Age 21-23 I was really bold, I approached women in class, out and about, church, supermarket, it didn't matter. I had a lot of positive things going on in my life, so my confidence was through the roof. I also wasn't looking for a girlfriend, so I wore my intentions on my sleeve.... See More
Age 24-27 For some reason I became more self consious, more aware of myself in context to other people and my surroundings. I think this is a detriment, because my confidence took a hit. I had graduated, didn't have a job, and was living back at home. Without the positive things going on in my life, I because more aware of personal flaws in my life and appearance. So I often stopped myself from going for girls I considered out of my league, when before I didnt care, and had much success.
Age 28-29 My life really started getting back on track... Job, Education, and goals were being achieved. My confidence s back on the rise. The swag is coming back. Ill will approach any girl who gives me a welcoming sign. Be it general conversation or a simple hello. It all starts with making eye contact. If her eyes say she is approachable, if the gaze holds a little longer than comfortable, I will talk to you.

Male 5
Things that stop us in general.
1.) Us thinking she is out of our league. Too fine, too paid, too smart, or we compare ourselves to someone you were with before, and think we measure up short.
2.) We heard something detrimental about you on the grape vine. You have an STD you cant get rid of, you are a Ho, etc... but even a ho will get approached for sexual reasons... See More
3.) We are with someone else, and a.) don't want to get caught b.) or if we like you don't want to hurt you
4.) we know our intentions are BOGUS, and we care about you enough to realize you deserve better than what we can give you.
5.) We know off the bat that we can't dedicate the time required to have anything meaningful with you, because our life is moving at the speed of sound.

Sacred Ruby
Well Dionis, you make a good point, but when you say that a woman is not approachable, what is a woman that is unapproachable doing to make you feel a negative vibe...I mean I can understand if a girl is mean muggin or being extremely stand offish...but what other aspects are you taking in consideration when judging if she is approachable?

And Pierre and Andre...a woman that seems to be out of your league...good point...there are some women that got the looks, the personality, the independence...and all those other qualities that you like in a woman...but just like you said, so many men get that impression that..."oh she probably got tons of guys tryna holla at her she look like she stuck up" and other comments of the such...but in reality, the only guys that are approaching her is losers that will holla at anything. I mean I respect men that knows that they need to come correct before they approach a woman that has it going on...but why be afraid of perceived rejection?

Male 2
to understand that you have to answer your own question. why do women now a days that see a guy THEY WANT will abosolutly NOT approach them. and i mean other than the lame excuse of "oh a man is suppose to chase the female not the other way around" i hate that if you want something and you are so independent then why cant you be independant enough to apporcah a guy. ive learned the the only types of guys a woman will approach is a super pretty boy (but most woman dont like them either) and ballers. so how do you think that makes us as average decent looking succesful men

Sacred Ruby
Andre, I was asking in the perspective that if a man wanted to holla at a woman...but to answer your question, if I see a guy that I want to talk to, I have no problem with going up to him and introducing myself and offer my number to develop a friends and overtime a possible relationship. I'm independent and I honestly can say that I have my $#!T together and I don't have a problem with stepping out of my comfort zone to get to know someone. But at the same time, after I make that initial step to get to know you, and you have the desire to get to know me too, don't expect me to be the only one putting forth effort to make something happen. Because even though I may have approached you and wanted to get to know you, a man's actions thereafter will determine if my interest will remain steady on him.

Male 5
What makes you approachable is most usually the eye contact you give us. If you like what you see, or are interested, make eye contact with us, and hold it for a little longer than you are comfortable normally doing. Break eye contact... then do it a second time. The guy with confidence will approach you now. The guy lacking confidence may need a third stare. This is MORE than enough to let us know you are interested. Don't be afraid to show a hint of a smile, or an actual one.... See More

Male 2
always thats why most men are quiet (at least the smart ones) until we figure you out cause we have heard how the slightest thing we say taht you dont like with cahnge your whole opinion. i mean bottom line theres a science to approaching women and sad enough most of us have not figured it out. not totally. its always a gamble and yes men have egos and we dont like rejection no more than women do


Male 5
Losers, have nothing to lose. No real ego to shatter, so why not try for anything. The guy with swag through the roof feels the same way. He already has everything, so he has nothing to lose in an attempt at you. You can't bruise his ego with a No.

Male 2
also to add Wesly i think women dont realize that they push away alot of guys by how they react to others. WE are always watching and comparing now if we think we look better or ARE better than that dude that just approached oyu all wrong then we are not detered but if a decent dude approached you respectfully and really all he said was "HI how you doing" (which alot of men do just to see what reaction we will get) and you gave him all kinds of attitude......you just detered us from apporcahing cause 1. YOU were disrepectful when there was no need and shows class which probably have none so why bother. 2. if you turned what we would consider someone decent down then chances are we wont get anywhere either. Not to mention if we made eye contact you turned your lip up lol. i have noticed if a woman is not interested she will AVOID eye contact all together so yea wes is right about that.

Male 5
Felicia... if you make an effort like that... and the guy is obviously TOO stupid to pick up on your interest, or for some crazy reason really isn't interested.

You gave MORE than enough notice. You are an attractive woman, with a lot going on for yourself. Are good guys too intimidated to approach you while losers come aplenty?

If you give a ... See Moregreen light to a guy. And he backs away... there is usually an indicator. Something in his body language you will notice, or a trigger that sets off his change of mind. Your task is identifying that trigger...

Male 5
I agree with Andre, that is a big statement. Chances are we are watching you, and judging you based on how you are reacting to other people, and gauging ourselves accordingly.
Great point.

Sacred Ruby
Well as far as for me, I get approached by loser after loser after loser...now that is not to say that I haven't been approached by any good guys...I have...but the good guys that I have been approached by I can't say that I have either been attracted to and there has been a lack in other factors that play into my wanting to be with someone. And ... See Morethe losers that comes around, they might have the looks but the overall package is wack as crack! I know there isn't a perfect man out here, just as there is no perfect woman, but I know the qualities that I want and settling for less than what I need or want is not an option for me...just as it is not an option for some of you men out here. Additionally, I prefer being friends with a guy before jumping into a relationship...and some guys don't have the patience for that...so they move on to the next..hoping to find someone that will open up faster than myself..which is fine...I just prefer getting to know someone beyond the sex, beyond the material things...relationships need to be built off of mental stimulation and ability to have fun with that person before other things come into play. And if a long lasting relationship that leads to marriage needs to have God in the midst of that connection too...couples that don't know how to pray together or for each other has no foundation...in my opinion.

Male 6
All it is is personal preference for the man or the woman. Its all about confidence. I've always been confident enough to approach any woman. Especially if we have had some kind of eye contact and I can tell if the feeling is mutual. I never felt like my ego would be bruised by rejection.

A lot of women get approached by losers because losers don... See More't lack a lot of confidence. Honestly a lot of women are attracted to losers, so they believe even the most sophisticated woman would be attracted to them, so approaching them is a can of corn.

Male 5
Great points Felicia. You are looking for the perfect package. A great guy, who you are attracted to, that is intelligent, mentally stimulating etc.

You want the perfect package, or at least the package that is perfect for you. It isn't that you aren't being approached by good guys, just that the good guys you meet, you don't want, and that is your right to be picky. So what you must do is widen your net, and patrol waters that most likely contain the fish you want to eat. Churches, Dress Coded Events, Upperscale shopping places, Networking Mixers... You need to be out, be active, and be approachable. It all starts with your eye contact.

Now for this relationship stuff... I am confused... You meet a guy you like... and you throw him in the friend zone? Even when there is a mutual attraction to each other? Does this mean all of the physical benifits of the getting to know you phase are offlimits?

I can understand not jumping into a "Committed Relationship" that adheres to typical relationship boundaries... But in that getting to know you stage, there should be a progression of intimacy that goes along with the progression of the friendship/mutual respect for each other that is developed over time. Especially if there is a mutual attraction.

Sacred Ruby
oh I agree with you Wes...there is a progression to the intimacy of a developing relationship...I'm not saying that intimacy if completely off limits until I say so...absolutely not...I'm just making the point that you need to try to get to know that person as a friend before the whole sex comes along. Usually when a guy has sex with a woman right off the back, thats when they start losing interest....and its opposite for a woman sometimes because after sex her interest increases even if it was done in a short amount of time. There needs to be a balance between when sex in introduced into the friendship/relationship thats all I'm saying.



Male 4
@ Felicia- There are several things that are attractive & seem "approachable" to men.
1. Smiles- every man loves a smile. It's the most inviting feature you possess
2. Eye contact- I'm not saying stare da man down or look thirsty, but at least make him aware that it's "ok" to talk to you
3. Don't be consumed- Your friends are important but if u seemed consumed by their attention, some men think that you are more interested in your friends than anything they can say

Male 5
You hit the nail on the head Felicia. It is DETRIMENTAL for you not to give up the goods too fast. Even subconsiously we will label you a ho... EVEN if we really like you. It has happened to me, with girls my heart LOVED.... my mind forced me to keep them at a distance for this reason alone.

If is a fine line, but one you MUST play to have a meaningful relationship. BUT you must play it right... and there comes a time where you might have to gamble a LITTLE earlier if the guy is worth it. That time limit should be based ONLY on him reaching a level of respect for you as a woman, and in what you are building that you believe sex can't break. Beyond that... you stand to lose him. Once he has earned it, opening up a sexual relationship COULD enhance what you have already built. But at least you now have a 50/50 chance. My only advice to you is to widen your net. You have to expose yourself to more guys, you are one of the FEW women playing the game the RIGHT way, and to not only win, but to win big. Widen your net, and continue doing EXACTLY what you are doing now.

Sacred Ruby
Thanks Dionis...you make very good points. I have another question though. I'm sure most of you guys have experienced this before...a woman that wants your attention so bad that she will do just about anything to get it....for example, bending over in front of you to see her behind, reaching over you to show off her cleavage, wearing provocative clothing to show off her figure, and so on and so forth...how do you react in a situation like that? Is that attractive? Or is that a clear sign to you that she is loose and what you would want is only to sex her?

Male 5
She is too forward. I would push every limit with here to see IF she would even tell me know. She is showing off her sexual features, so my conversation and approach will have a lot of sexual connotations, direct and indirect. I would go for the gusto... and if she started playing hard to get, I would label her a tease. You don't want to go that route, not for what you are looking for Felicia. And honestly, I think a well dressed woman is way sexier. We are checking out your butt and your chest ANYWAY, so we have probably already pictured you naked. All that is over kill and will get you stereotyped and classified right off the bat

Male 6
Can't stand that, I don't need for you to reach over me to show cleavage or to bend over in front of me. I'm a man and naturally I'll notice all that on my own. Never liked women to throw themselves at me, was always a consistent turn off for me. Showed me that you didn't have respect for yourself and made me believe all you could really offer me was physical stimulation. The only time a man will react to that kind of stimulation in a positive way is when all he wants is the physical anyway.

Sacred Ruby
Oh trust me Wes, I'm not going that route, I don't feel the need to do all that. If I want your attention, I'll just come up to you and speak...I personal think that is ridiculous when I see women out here doing that to themselves...its just makes us (women) look kinda bad. And yeah, I know I need to venture out to new venues to get exposed to a variety of men...that is very clear to me...and when I want to, I will...but at the same time I'm sure God will send me who he wants me to be with in any place that I am in...rather it be a grocery store, church, lounge...whatever. So I'm in no rush...I mean I wouldn't mind being in a relationship...but its not a top priority right now...I'm sure it will when I get closer to approaching that 30 mark tho...lol

Male 5
Hahaha!! True true. I was looking up this quote "God does for those who do for themselves" but found that it isn't actually referenced in the bible! Hahaha, but where I found it made the following points:

"Many Christians ask God for help, but then expect God to do everything Himself. They excuse this by pointing to the fact that God will provide according to His will and in His timing. However, this is not a reason for inactivity. As a specific example, if you are in need of a job, ask the Lord to help you find a job - but then be active in actually looking for a job. While it is in His power to do so, it is highly unlikely that God will cause employers to come looking for you."

Male 6
I would say a couple of things, one obviously being rejection, but secondly I think self-pity. Like one of the fellas said, if it's someone you want you have to put on your game face, but I think it goes deeper than that, if its someone you really want. IF she's "the one" you try and make sure everything is perfect, that you've crossed every t and dotted every i. You wanna make sure you're financially stable, you got ur stuff together, and you try and eliminate as many of your flaws as possible to spare yourself. Another reason, is you don't wanna put yourself out there for something you're not ready. I know personally if I feel i'm not mentally ready or capable of getting on that young ladies level, then I won't even try..I may miss out on the 1, but for fear of messing up a friendship or relationship w/ a person I want, I'll avoid and get around approaching that person. Just my 2 centz.

Male 4
You're welcome babe... I agree with Wes in regards to a woman being too forward. However, it would be more productive if she just said something to the guy rather than do all of those silly things to try to get a response.

I find it interesting to hear guys say that a woman can be "out of their league" and that there can a point where sex happens ... See Moretoo soon. To me that says less about the woman & more about issues with the man that needs to be addressed.

It appears that a woman with more is looked @ less favorably. Instead of shooting her down, why don't the men just raise their personal goals & ambitions. We need to have more and do more as men... Raise your standards for yourselves. If a woman have sex on the 1st night, I don't look @ her any differently- I look @ myself as being capatible & attractive. Men don't lose interest after sex (that's a misconception), men lose interest after you're no longer interesting.

Sacred Ruby
I like that..."men lose interest after you're no longer interesting"....very good point...because that goes for women too. I posted a status a few days ago...saying if you are worried about the next man, then step your game up to get my full attention. If you think a girl is out of your league...why not step your game up to get on that level...why ... See Moresettle? I guess going out for the challenge of seeking after something that is not as easily attainable comes with maturity. Totally agree with you Dionis.

Male 5
Dionis... if a woman goes on the 1st night.... you have no concern for the # of other 1st nights she has had? Maybe it is just me... but I don't want a woman who will sleep with me on the first night, not for a serious relationship anyway.

I would trust her for the woman she shows me she is. And she is a woman who sleeps with men, and requires almost NOTHING to end up in bed. She also has little concern for her body, not taking the time to protect herself through LEARNING the man, because condoms don't stop everything, IE Genital Warts, HPV etc...... See More

Not to mention... What if I go on tour for a video shoot, or etc. I wouldn't be comfortable wifing her, because I would trust her to be the woman she showed me she is, a woman who sleeps with men day one.

Male 4
@ Wes- Not @ all fam... No concern what so ever! I don't compare myself to most/other men because it's "ME" that she's having sex with based on MY attributes. Wheter it be physically, intellectually, financially or a combination of the three: I'm want she desired... and honestly most men don't have the confidence to say or believe that. What a woman is willing to say/do with/to you says more about you than her any day. In regards to STI's, I totally understand ur view, I was moreso comment on the immediate judgement on a woman you sleep with rather quickly. Also, you can know a person for months/years and not know their status